The links between healing and health

Weight issues caused by the weight of Heartache, a touchy subject and quite often one that is swept under the rug, WEIGHT GAIN, and WEIGHT LOSS, Both complete opposite issues but both birthed from a similar place, which is often emotional issues, Insecurity, Pressure, heartache, and in numerous cases, break up and Divorce,

An outreach to find release or a numb-ness can result to binge eating, or eating disorders, or dramatic weight loss simply from intense stress, all at subject to crumbling under pressure. So commonly men and woman feel they are the only ones who feel the way they feel, they don’t know how to handle their emotions and therefore turn to these outlets of food or; the opposite withdrawing themselves from food. But the sad truth is, thousands of people experience these emotions, but this is NOT what Health looks like.

Even television stars have the same psychological battle with food following a breakup or marriage split. Eva Longoria has admitted she suffered dramatic weight loss due to her traumatic split from her cheating ex-husband Tony Parker.

The Desperate Housewives said she could not understand why people said she was looking better than ever when she said it was the most unhealthy she had ever been.  She told Health magazine: ‘People think health only has to do with your physical being, but for me, it’s so much more.

Too often there is a misunderstanding and misconception of what ‘Health’ looks like. Health is also a feeling and a pattern that should be understood correctly. It is not just about image but also about the emotions beneath.

Emotional eating is a difficult pattern to break. People turn to food for comfort and get stuck in the short fixes rather than dealing with issues salivating underneath. Unless you deal with the trauma and find a way to start healing from the issues, you’ll keep returning to food to quick fixes. It’s not the answer although it does provides a level of comfort.

Even Trying to lose weight without dealing with the underlying issues may work for a while, but you will regain the weight and struggle until you have dealt with where it has surfaces from in the first place.

Certain research has shown that as people get older and gain or lose weight after a marriage or divorce, People are more likely to become settled in certain eating and exercise habits as they age because as you get older, having a sudden change in your life like a marriage or a divorce is a bigger shock than it would have been when you were younger, Therefore making it harder to accept and have optimistic views for the future.

But habits CAN be broken, new patterns can be created. And it all starts from underneath and dealing with the emotion is which this is all steams. By Listening to the stereotypes of society and listening to your insecurities from traumatic situations are never going to get you very far. But if you seek the right way to heal and understand your emotions and see the importance of your health you will see what health really looks like and you WILL break and remove the weight of your heartache on your shoulders and any weight issues adding to the pressure. It IS POSSIBLE to find ways to your confidence in this time. Understanding your heart and why you feel the way you do can bring such a release that is much deeper than your comfort food.

Till next time

Lots of hugs

Privacy and Divorce

Whilst going through fresh procedures of a Divorce; this first and foremost is an emotional and stressful time and added privacy invasionsare the LAST thing you want during times like this. So if you are still in the process of Court cases and lawyers it is essential to be mindful of certain precautions that are sometimes necessary during this time.

Boasting about a new car, photos of a brand new piece of furniture or hot new spouse can and will be used against you in divorce court. Privacy issues do not apply when you post something on Facebook. It is is NO WAY wrong to do such things. If you’ve got yourself something new then by all means tell your close friends and invite them over to see your exciting new steps!  It is just wise to be careful as to how you go about announcing such things. ESPECIALLY whilst still in the process of developing paper work and court cases.

Internet dating can be an intimidating thought for a lot of people and is not for everyone. But funnily enough in today’s society it is testimonial to having great success for many people and new relationships! But if you are considering this or already acting in this make sure to be careful what you say and do, online, in private, everywhere.

In fact, Anonymity is a issue that any single person should seriously think about before they jumping into online dating. All “free dating sites” are open networks and usually ad supported. Your friends, co-workers, or enemies can sign up and browse through your personal information and photos.Free sites have many of the features that paid sites have, but they do come at a cost to your privacy.

These are just certain things to think about for your protection of privacy. After all, Your starting a new chapter to your life! Now is a good time to think of who is beneficial to have around you in these times. Friends and family that will support you in this time and not blurt your things out to everyone, Privacy comes at NO COST, so in this time to help ease your pressure and heartache be careful to how much to promote on the internet even just in social settings. But DONT refrain from sharing your steps to those close to you just think about the WAYS in doing so!

Food for thought!

Till next time

Lots of hugs

New Years Resolutions Busted Already? Try this…

So how are your new year’s resolutions going? We are 3 months in and by now 56% would have given up on those goals you set yourself. Sad statistics indeed! So what separates the ones who achieve their goals from those who get resigned an quit?

This year has started completely differently for me to other years. I have started this year akin to a Tasmanian Devil on Acid. I have hoovered, filed, cleaned, de-cluttered, organised, re-organised, planned, strategised, written frameworks, re-engineered my finances, my assets, my equity, consolidated pensions, started a post graduate diploma, found new tenants for my property, commenced vigorous training for London to Paris cycle trip, had a flurry of clients I am supporting through their divorce and probably done 2 months of action in about 8 days. I am nervous to sleep in case someone finds the ‘off button’ in my commitment to being over productive and mental. I make myself tired even by reading this stuff. So what the hell happened? Why all this ‘energy’?

As usual, I overindulged at Xmas – too much mulled wine, mince pies, variety of meats and large meals at all hours which has initiated the usual new year detox and exercise regime. As usual, I have reviewed my successes from the previous year and set goals for the new year. Vision board is done.

So what on earth is it? Why do I feel so different? Let’s do a mini checklist:

• Mars is not adversely aligned with Jupiter or any other house or planet to my knowledge so astrologically we are good – CHECK
• London is still dark at 16:30 and there is no suspect yellow thing in the sky as it lives up to its reputation as the city which depicts the most variances of the colour grey – CHECK
• People seem adequately gloomy for January – CHECK
• Everyone and their mother is calling to file for divorce as the overdose of family time over the Xmas season drove couples bonkers – CHECK
• January sales are still progressing – CHECK

Then it dawned on me. I am tired of feeling passive…

I am tired of passivity, of excuses, of lame duck arguments for why things are not happening or stuff isn’t working. I am tired of people accepting their lot and having a stiff upper lip about it. I am tired of people not complaining because they just couldn’t be bothered. I am tired of my own resistance to tackle things because it just seems – well – insurmountable and hard.

For me this year is about ACTION. I am ferociously interested in and consumed by ACTION. I do not know what was in the mulled wine I consumed over Xmas but it’s like some Action Monster has taken over my body and said:

“ACTION ACTION ACTION!”

I am consumed by time being precious and to make every second count.

SO, what makes people just let go of their resolutions? What makes people try something new for 3 weeks, see nothing happening and then just give up?

I think it’s all about RESIGNATION. The feeling of being a bit dead.

SO, how easy is it to become resigned in life and how on earth we can break out of it to take NEW action?

It is remarkably easy.

What I observed in more than a decade in change management is that most people only take on new ways of being and habits when they have hit some kind of ‘rock bottom’ OR it becomes urgent. It’s almost as if some kind of ‘rock bottom’ has to be reached where they finally become aware of the impact of not taking action. Waiting till you hit rock bottom before taking action is often damaging because the negative impact of being at rock bottom is often worse than the steps to go through to tackle the change itself.

Let’s take the example of prioritizing healing from a divorce or bad breakup – most people do the best they can and ‘drift’ through the trauma like it’s happening to someone else. They rely on time to heal the wound.

There is a paradigm that if you just sit back, in time you’ll no longer have the sadness, anguish, yearning, guilt, anger, and fear you’re feeling now. Those emotions will fade away, and you’ll be fine. The problem with believing that time heals the wound is that people wind up doing nothing and passively waiting for healing to ‘happen to them’. They start believing that being happy is about finding the right person and rationalize to themselves that the only reason their marriage or relationship failed, was because they were with the wrong person. Healing then becomes about finding the right person because if you find this person, you have filled the void and forgotten those bad times. What is not ever discussed is how the cycle of failure perpetuates when there is no discovery of the true source of the relationship breakdown, so moving forward in a way that is most beneficial for the long-term is not always achievable.

Example of how we become CORPSICALS

HEALING – like most changes in life, doesn’t simply happen over time. Healing is an active process, and processing all the feelings and emotions associated with a bad breakup is essential to getting over it. All rock bottom events act like a cut and if you don’t dress the wound and work on healing it you will end up with a lot of scar tissue, which will leave a lasting imprint on your life.

So what happens if you find yourself in this position? Pretending that the thing you are putting up with or ignoring is ‘not really a big deal’ and that you are ‘fine’ when actually you are not?

Face the truth that you are a CORPSICAL. You have joined the reams of walking dead among you. You have accepted your lot, given up on living a magical life and now you are not really living but going through the motions disconnected.

There are no short cuts. The journey out of resignation is about breaking through the dead-ness and yanking yourself back from the abyss of IN-ACTION and shifting your thought patterns and emotional state by taking swift ACTION. Gazing at your navel wondering why you are not taking action and rooting around in your childhood for the source of this issue will not help you take action. ACTION helps ACTION.

The journey out of resignation in not healing from a breakup or in not taking action

STEP 1: Confront that you may be holding onto your suffering in some way.

STEP 2: BECOME AWARE PART I: Become aware of the real impact of not healing from your break up or the impact of not taking action in the area you KNOW you should be taking action in.

STEP 3: BECOME AWARE PART II: If you are shirking away from healing from a bad trauma, educate yourself on the Healing Formula and what it takes to heal (if interested on what on earth this is, you need to talk to one of our ANGELS)

STEP 4: CONCENTRATE: Take focused action and concentrate on this new life for at least 28 days. Do not be one of the quitters. Most people quit too soon…

STEP 5: MOMENTUM: Take decisions on a daily basis to heal until you reach a momentum which leads to breakthroughs and the new habit being fully formed.

Are you choosing to hold onto your inaction or suffering for a reason?

If you find yourself navel gazing or taking your time in simply taking action, then confront that you may be choosing to hold onto your suffering OR you may be choosing the payoff in not taking action…

SAY WHAT?

So, sometimes when we hold onto things, there is a certain payoff – some advantage or benefit that reinforces the cycle of behavior – to not letting go. But this payoff has high costs, whether to our vitality, affinity, self-expression, or sense of fulfillment. So if you are suffering but can see no way out of the suffering, consider that simply the benefit you are receiving for suffering is so juicy that giving up the suffering is simply inconceivable.

If I take my example with my ex-husband; he cheated and if I am truly honest, I enjoyed being the victim for a little while. It was utterly delicious.

“Poor sad and lonely Adèle who was wronged by this bad man. I feel so sorry for you.” I got loads of attention and lots of hugs and sympathy. I felt righteous and justified and had a gang of followers. We had ‘Team Adèle’ VS ‘Team my ex’

The problem was that inside I was still suffering. I was more interested in my agenda of getting attention, being the victim and feeling righteous instead of moving on, healing and living a happy successful life. So here is a little secret I will let you in on: Your TRUE agenda always shines through.

The problem for most of us is we have no idea what our true agenda is. We lie to ourselves and tell ourselves and others that we have good intentions, but if you are feeling dis-empowered in any way, shape or form, consider that your true agenda is revealed.

Your true agenda is in place so you can receive some hidden benefit in return.

If at this point you’re not entirely convinced that TAKING ACTION is the name of the game for breakthroughs in 2013, here is a mini exercise…

Exercise

1. Identify what the TRUE agenda has been delaying taking action in a particular area in your life. What do you think it might be? In this process you might notice things about yourself that you haven’t seen before. Examples include:

• I need to feel right because that person wronged me
• I get attention from people
• I want to stay in my comfort zone
• Avoid responsibility
• Laziness
• Enjoy getting time off eating ice cream
• Enjoy people feeling sorry for me
• I say I care about taking action in that area but actually I don’t and my story about why I don’t take action is a nice drama
• I like being dramatic and dominating people with my dramas

1. You might not like what you see. But I can assure you that facing up to these negative points could precipitate a significant turning point in taking action. If you are struggling, just ask your family and friends (who are not afraid to tell you the truth) what they can see you get out of continuing your suffering. You may want to interview them.
2. Think of twenty points for each of these instances:

• What are you holding onto being right about?
• Why are you so angry or impassive and lazy?
• What are the reasons or justifications you are clinging to?
• What attention are you getting by holding onto this issue?
• Who are you dominating by holding onto this issue?
• Why are you refusing to let go?

1. Think of the negative impact this issue is having on your life. How much longer are you willing to sacrifice your life to hold onto your true agenda?
2. What is the impact on your life of having this agenda?

Hmm. Makes you think doesn’t it?

If you find yourself slightly irritated by this article – excellent. My job is done.

Till next time

THE ACTION MONSTER

Are you single or living alone? You are not alone on that one!

Claudia Connell on Mail Online gives a painfully honest account of how she came to be living alone in middle-age: Now in her 40′s, Claudia talks of how her single life, which was once embraced and celebrated for its exciting perks, has lost its gloss.

Claudia states: “I was part of the Sex And the City generation — successful, feisty women who made their own money, answered to no one and lived life to the full. When it came to men, my attitude to them was the same as it was towards the latest must-have handbag: only the best would do, no compromises should be made, and even then it would be quickly tired of and cast aside. However at the age of 46, I’ve unwillingly accepted that my opportunity to have a family has gone and the chances of meeting a decent man aren’t looking too rosy either.  What none of us spent too long thinking about in our 20′s and 30s was how our lifestyles would impact on us once we reached middle-age, when we didn’t want to go out and get sozzled on cocktails and had replaced our stilettos and skinny jeans with flat shoes and elasticated waists.

Freedom is great when you can exploit it; but when you have so much that you don’t know what to do with it, then it all becomes a little pointless.” Claudia wrote in Mail online.

Today in the UK, there are record numbers of middle-aged single people. There are many other woman and men just like Claudia that can relate to the emotions and realties of this lifestyle. Not so many will be as bold as to admit but Figures speak loud in this circumstance.

Statistics released by the Office of National Statistics showed that 7.6 million people are currently living alone in the UK. And the fastest growing group in this is a 2.5 million percentage that fall between the ages of 45 and 64 who live alone with no spouse, partner or children. The figure represents a mind blowing 50 per cent increase since the mid-Nineties. Perhaps materially well off in this generation but seemingly emotionally bereft.

It’s a somewhat upsetting report but a correct one none the less and while some woman and men are quite comfortable with their circumstance of living alone, the truth is most will admit that they had wished they had someone to share it with, a partner, child or other family.

This article is in no way intended to be a spiral of depression and reminder of your singleness – if you are. However sometimes a reminder of these situations can be a healthy way into knowing what you want and chasing after that, not missing the importance of opportunities when they come to your door. Whether that is a new relationship – Or a chance of amending one with a family member or the opportunity to take action in your situation of feeling broken and to fight for healing from your past. So you can become a full representation of yourself again, not regretting your life away and wishing you had realised things sooner.

The wonderful thing that we should never take for granted is that we do live in world and country of endless opportunities, and if we know what we want and take action in getting it, we can fight for our aspirations and dreams to live the way in which we desire. Unfortunately life does throw its whirlwinds and it can knock us clean off our feet from a place in which we were quite comfortable, but if we stay there in that brokenness or state of unawareness or denial of what was really going on, we will end up looking back wishing and regretting, and on search for who can invent us that time machine!

Life is always going to be a whirlwind you just have to learn how to pick yourself up once you’ve been knocked down. Like everyone, we all think and worry about the future and wonder where we will be in 10-20 years of our life. Some of us seriously wonder how we can possible get to a place we see desirable by then.

But the truth is there are ways and people to help you get there, opportunities that do come around, they might come in disguise but they come, so look for them and take a hold of them!

If you feel yourself feeling morose or depressed at the prospect of being single or you are clear you have not healed from your divorce or bad break up – stop suffering in silence and talk to us. We have a whole team of angels who are ready to chat to you. Email us on ANGEL SUPPORT or call us on:

• UK: +44 (0)208 638 0841
• USA: +1 646 736 7448
• RSA: +27 (0)11 083 8901
• AUS: +61 (0)2 8006 10558

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

Your way of expression

Ten Reasons Why He Dumped you… Ten reasons why chocolate is better than a man, Ten reasons why Woman Love Bad Boys and Ten Reasons Why Dogs and Men are the same.

It’s these particular topics that have creating an online traffic scramble, attracting over 800,000 visitors to YouTube online presenter Emily Hartridge’s advice blog. The 28 year old quirky girl with explicit explanations like…

“Good chocolate is genuinely easy to find, a man however, is ******* Difficult!” or “You can have more than one chocolate a night without ruining your reputation.” These in your face comments and videos on global You Tube are immediately grabbing people’s attention. ‘The main purpose of 10 Reasons Why… is to make people laugh.’ However the blogger stresses that the content of the videos is deliberately tongue-in-cheek. ‘I want everyone to know that none of my reasons are my personal opinions,’ she adds. ‘I am merely doing what us Brits do best……..be sarcastic!’

Sarcastic or not, these topics have been an online sensation and not just because people like to laugh. It’s no shock to the system people genuinely like to affiliate their experiences with others and hear someone else say something they’ve secretly thought in private or have been dying to blurt out publicly themselves! Certain situations and particularly these videos can be quite far-fetched for some, that’s granted. However our emotions can be somewhat far-fetched! So sometimes it’s nice to be reminded that extremity is not just within our emotions alone but with others as well, and quite frankly sometimes there is a need for extreme…

When it comes to our experiences, break ups and divorce; as woman we naturally look for outlets in which we can either talk or express our opinions and emotions. That may be in an intimate setting with you best girlfriends in a garden cafe or perhaps a far-fetched way of release similar to Emily’s blog advice on a public internet site.

POINT IS: There are many ways different ways of expression, this being one way. It Might not be your cup of tea, but find out what is! Expression is healthy! What is your self expression then?

What’s your way of Expression?

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

Rise of the DIY divorce…

Couples who are somewhat impoverished are causing court chaos by representing themselves in the midst of cutbacks.According to the Daily mail; the recession and upcoming cuts to legal aid are putting immense pressure on family courts as these couples increasingly represent themselves.

I will therefore write a little post of pure commentary on this issue as there are repercussions to the recession for sure!

Whilst reading this and the talk of immense pressure on the courts, it raised a flag of discomfort and pressure of the couples who are the ones forced to represent themselves without help. There is a new arbitration scheme where there is a process that allows couples a more informal legal setting allowing them to settle out of court by employing expensive specially trained lawyers. A system that will prevent a level of hazard, sure, but one that is very much in favor for the wealthy, and as it is not a common occurrence where money is an easy factor for all couples especially in the area of divorce, the pressure on the courts seems one that has been self influenced in my opinion.

Certain views of representing one’s self suggest that it’s less time-consuming if you represent yourself. The lawyer is the middle-man who gets paid in abundance to forward the legal documents between the customer and the court, charges you all your calls per minute, sends you a vast amount of unnecessary correspondence in order to rip you off etc. Some say it is less stressful, more straightforward and faster.

However… Several judges told The Law Society Gazette that cases where litigants represented themselves it took twice as long because they often needed help navigating the legal process. One said: ‘We are getting more and more people coming to court in private law cases without the benefit of sensible, structured legal advice, wanting to spill blood on the court carpet,

More and more people are requesting to push for a no-fault divorce, explaining that with the fault-based divorce system in action currently with blame apportioned, ‘it is a confrontational process which benefits no one’ as the certain prospects believe. But whether you believe DIY divorce is the way to go or not, earlier this month Sir Nicholas Wall, the most senior family judge in England and Wales, warned of ‘a substantial increase’ in the number of people who will be forced to represent themselves in court due to cuts in legal aid. This is not to mention the rise of do it yourself services like www.quickie-divorce.com,www.quickiedivorce.co.uk and www.divorcefast.com.

The question begs: can people represent themselves confidently and not recklessly? In the midst of an intensive breakup whilst being in a state of shock – how does one try to cope with the legal system with little or no help!?

However simple some make it out to be, it does not sound inviting…

At Naked Divorce, we have some great contacts with lawyers and have vouchers for 1 hour consultations to consider all your options. Many lawyers today do fixed fee divorces and meditation is a low-cost effective option too. So before you run off trying to do it on your own – seek help today…

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

You cannot solve a problem with the same thinking that got you there…

Ever been stuck in a situation or a problem but not known how to get out of it?  Life throws us lots of different hurdles and hiccups along the way and people disappoint us and we disappoint ourselves. But our biggest mistake is not when we first make that mistake, because our past can determine who we are today. That can be what makes us grow into our true characters and help us find and define our strength. But the biggest mistake I believe we can make is our failure to learn from them and our failure to let go of the past.

Too many people get swallowed by their problems because they never learnt how to move on. Or perhaps they never wanted to. It is easy to not want the problems but never want to deal with them either. But that becomes a vicious circle that has no end unless you choose to step up and make a change. One of the most if not the very most important factors in moving on and finding a new spark isyour thoughts. Your view, your perspective and your mindset it is the key to bringing change.

As Albert Einstein stated–

“You cannot solve a problem with the same thinking that created the problem.”

When it comes to Divorce or a situation of breakup or any kind of trauma, moving on can be words that pierce your heart, that seems unimaginable and you cannot see to be possible. Being “positive” is laughable because you can’t find one reason to be positive But even when you feel like you don’t have an ounce of strength in you, that is exactly when your strength is being refined to being stronger than before, not to be bitter but to be stronger and to move on in the correct and healthy ways. The truth is there are always things to be positive about, whether big or small positivity can be found but to be foundit must first have someone looking for it, wanting to find it.

A shift in your mindset can take leaps and bounds. Sometimes you need to take a step back or even completely remove yourself from the situation you’re in, In order to see it in a different way. Sometimes we get so caught up in our situations that we can’t see out or any other possible way of viewing it because sometimes we haven’t tried.  Or sometimes we have just been in such a place for so long that we’ve become stagnant and our optimism and creativity is dormant. This happens to so many people in all different situations in life but it’s a dangerous place to stay. If you don’t challenge yourself to find a way out of your thinking you will never see the amazing opportunities and next adventures that sit and wait for you when you do.

TO CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS WILL BRING LIFE CHANGING RESULTS

If a way of thinking has not been working for you then that’s a great indication to explore a new way of thinking, Create space for yourself, step back and allow yourself to see the bigger picture, allow yourself to see positivity because if you do you will most surely find it. What we put our focus on is what we will see. So instead of focusing on the problem focus on what you can get out of it and what opportunity it may be giving you to grow and find a new start.

A Fantastic quote by Eckhart Tolle states, If you put your thoughts on what always has been – whatever has been will always show up in your life.

So Instead put your thoughts and your focus on the future, on good things, and begin to search for the positives because there is no excuse for not finding them. Traumatic times will come in those times we need to nurture our hearts and allow room to heal but when it’s time to move on you need to get up and look for the new positives, there are plenty out there waiting for you to just turn your shoulder to it.

Till next time!

Lots of hugs