Popular Posts

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

NO FAULT DIVORCE – what does this mean to us?


The UK laws of divorce have not been reformed since their introduction in 1969. However there was a move and introduction to No – Fault Divorce shortly after 1970.
No-fault divorce is a divorce in which the dissolution of a marriage does not require a showing of wrong-doing by either party. Laws providing for no-fault divorce allow a family court or other court to grant a divorce in response to a petition by either party to the marriage, without requiring the petitioner to provide evidence that the respondent has committed a breach of the marital contract. Laws providing for no-fault divorce also often limit the potential legal defenses of a respondent who would prefer to remain married.
At present, couples can be legally parted within six months if one party is shown to be at fault.  The most common grounds are unreasonable behavior, which can include committing adultery or devoting too much time to one’s career.  However, more and more valid reasons are now beginning to diminish through No-fault divorces. One case consists of a Judge ruling against a woman who argued at the Court of Appeal that her husband shouldn’t have been allowed to divorce her over ‘trivial’ matters. She did not want the divorce and wanted to fight for her marriage but it was ruled against her. She is one of many.
No-fault laws take away the need to find fault. No-fault divorce law gives either party the freedom to file for divorce with only the claim of “irreconcilable differences.”
Jill Kirby, who writes about family life, said: ‘The less the courts consider fault in divorce, the greater the sense of injustice felt by the spouse who thinks he or she was not to blame. ‘If one partner abandons the other, that should be taken into account .When it comes to dividing possessions, it is extraordinary that no account is taken of adultery or other fault.’
Owen Bowcott, legal affairs correspondent guardian.com, tends to take a different view. Owen states, In the 19th century and for much of the 20th, divorce was a matter of social status – it mattered whether you were divorced or not, and if you were, it was important to demonstrate that you were the ‘innocent’ party.  But Society has moved away from viewing divorce as shameful, removing the need for one partner to be deemed “innocent” to keep their social status, he said. “I am a strong believer in marriage. But I see no good arguments against no-fault divorce.”
There are certain examples with positive and negatives to a no-fault divorce. Positives such as
(According to Cathy Meyer, About.com Guide)
-       States in America that have adopted the no- divorce law have seen a decline in the rates of domestic violence. These laws have been said to empower a man or woman in an abusive marriage and make it easier to leave.
-      And it Shortens the length of time it takes to obtain a divorce, which, in turn, shortens the amount of time in a stressful situation. etc
However in a negative example,
-      Taking away control from a spouse that is objective towards the Divorce
-      No – fault divorce has given more power to Family Court Judges in deciding issues such as custody, splitting marital assets and spousal support. When there is no one at fault, A judge’s decisions are based on his feelings and feelings are not always objective.
-      Where once the Family Court Systems allegiance was with the institution of marriage, it is now with the institution of divorce. Family Courts used to put effort into protecting the sanctity of marriage. Now the main concern is to make divorce quick and easy and get it off the docket.
It is disturbing to see how The Family Court system has now completely flipped its allegiance simply because they were tired of dealing with feuding couples. Highlighting the word ‘FAMILY’ in their name shows strong contradiction in that now what they are supporting is the exact opposite of the word.
When Divorce laws originated grounds for the divorce had to be established.  But now if one party of the marriage wants out despite the feeling of the other party it is permitted.
(According to Cathy Meyer, About.com Guide)
A few states In America such as Louisiana, Arkansas and Arizona have now passed laws that give couples the option to choose, before they marry, which laws they would want to apply to their divorceshould the marriage end. They can choose between “covenant marriage” or the no-fault option. In covenant marriage, couples agree to pre-marital counseling and to limit the grounds and options should they decide to divorce.
Reading this, in my opinion, describes to me a loss of value in the vows and promises that are made to each other on the day of marriage, therefore a loss of value in marriage itself.
Family Court Judge Randall Hekman said, “It is easier to divorce my wife of 26 years than to fire someone I hired one week ago. The person I hire has more legal clout than my wife of 26 years. That’s wrong.”
If the value of marriage has lessened then more and more spouses are not bothered by the difficulty in divorce, therefore unfortunately no longer willing to invest as much time and energy into saving their marriage.
NO FAULT DIVORCE, so what does this mean to us? There are many angles in which the opinions of no fault divorce can be looked.  Depending on which side of the divorce a person is standing will determine the opinion. Another important question we should perhaps be asking is what does MARRIAGE mean to us?
So; Is No Fault divorce allowing relief in the stressful situation of divorce? Or is it encouraging a lack of need to fight for marriages? Either way Marriage is not something that should be entered into without the utmost care and intention to abide by the promises that are made on the day one says ‘I do.’
Till next time!
Lots of hugs

Monday, July 2, 2012

“I’M NOT READY YET” The Price for Suffering


I’m not ready” A very common phrase we ALL use.
A case of: Not being prepared for what one is about to do or experience;
Not equipped or supplied with what is needed for some act or event,
Not prepared for immediate movement or action.
What can be debated is; whether being “Ready” is a fact of circumstance or whether it is a Mindset. I believe it is both. In a circumstance where we are aware of what is coming, it gives us a warning to prepare and choose whether or not to make ourselves ready for when that predicted situation or time comes.
In a scenario of an assignment due, if I am pro active and work on and complete this assignment shortly after it is handed to me, I can have the work handed in exactly when it is needed, avoiding the feeling of being stressed and resenting myself for not taking action sooner. Doing a rushed job, when I know I could have done better. BUT if I do however, delay the work that is required of me and push it aside to do things I enjoy or are a release when I feel it necessarily, rather than sticking it out and flourishing in the long run, I will by my OWN ACCORD put the stress on myself and when the day comes of handing in my assignment and showing my progress, I will most likely regret my action and NOT be ready. But not being “Ready” in this situation is completely determined by my actions or lack of.
In relation to Divorce, It can either be thrown at you without warning OR in other cases you have expected its arrival for quite some time. But in the same way, our response and choice of mindset is VITAL for what determines the final outcome.
Taking steps to Heal: A love/hate relationship. We select and Love the meaning of the word “HEAL” but resent the words “STEPS to getting there.” We just wish it could happen without the hard and painful work first. But unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.
Here is an excerpt from the book “Naked Divorce for Women”
“Healing is an active process, and processing all the feelings and emotions associated with your divorce is essential to getting over it. Divorce acts like a cut and if you don’t dress the wound and work on the healing it will end up with a lot of scar tissue, which will leave a lasting imprint of your life.”
It is essential to take action through a painful process. Feeling ready should never be a consideration. We may never feel ready. If we only do the things we are ready for, we would only ever do the things we already know how to do. We would never learn new things, never grow or evolve.  How else would we have learnt how to walk? To read, take up a hobby, or raise children. We become ready by trying things and failing at them and keep trying until we succeed. You don’t become ready to do anything by hesitating and waiting.
So is THE PRICE OF SUFFERING a situationthat life unfairly throws on us? Or is it the price we pay by never accepting and moving on from what Life throws at us?  Next time you use the phrase:
“I’m not ready” ask yourself if that’s the real truth, or if what you’re really saying is “I’m too afraid”
You will only feel ready to ride a bike after you have been riding it long enough that you aren’t afraid that you will fall and get hurt. Being afraid to fall is not a crime. It’s how you handle the falland how quickly you get back up.  SUFFERING doesn’t have to be completely negative. It is in the suffering that we can grow the most and open ourselves up to opportunities we never sort possible if we hadn’t first learn how to take action against pain.
Till next time!
Lots of hugs