tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67197056273787640182024-03-13T14:58:07.125+00:00Healing Emotionally From Your Divorce In 21 daysAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-5153574414166272392015-03-24T14:14:00.000+00:002015-03-24T14:14:40.966+00:00Are You a Closet Bunny Boiler?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-OyrYMOLR5zuH6Bgm0jEBBSuaUuAP0WclnFYD55hqYWdJCOLhvIHqlqJvUTQjp12OGZrSsgHFYw1Q_DuLQBb-hL_sVYyqJ_7GgPUL8qQI643rewpt6uKOx4zF5Jh20KDJYXgzd6-UNT8/s1600/Boiling+with+Anger_Woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-OyrYMOLR5zuH6Bgm0jEBBSuaUuAP0WclnFYD55hqYWdJCOLhvIHqlqJvUTQjp12OGZrSsgHFYw1Q_DuLQBb-hL_sVYyqJ_7GgPUL8qQI643rewpt6uKOx4zF5Jh20KDJYXgzd6-UNT8/s1600/Boiling+with+Anger_Woman.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
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Be honest, do you sometimes plan or even carry out rage-fueled revenge plots like in the movie Gone Girl? Or worse, when you watched Glenn Close boil Michael Douglas’s bunny, did you secretly nod in sympathy?</div>
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Find out right now for sure if you’re a closet bunny boiler, take our free quiz:</div>
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<a href="http://www.nakeddivorce.com/test/" style="background: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #634663; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The ‘How Messed Up Am I?’ Quiz</a></div>
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If you let anger sweep you away when you feel wronged – then this post is for you.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Symptoms of a bunny boiler</span></div>
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Physically, you feel a fiery burning in your chest, and a compulsion to scream and shout. You are fidgety, needing to move, grinding your jaw and clenching your fists, maybe unconsciously. You might feel a tightness in your throat and chest. Nothing pleasant going on there!</div>
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You feel a sense of betrayal. By the individual or by life. You feel like the wronged victim and constantly think or say things like ‘it’s not fair! Why is this happening to me? Why me? How could you!?’</div>
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You know the whole world has suddenly turned against you!</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">When enough is enough</span></div>
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Anger is actually an important emotional response to a break up or divorce. Anger is your body letting out and releasing your upset and disappointed expectations. Dealing with future hopes and dreams suddenly changing.</div>
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But as we all know, anger is super-destructive. In the heat of the moment you can easily say things that further damage and destroy things you have nurtured and built for so long.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Breathe… don’t say it!</span></div>
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The very first thing to do is watch what you say. Find a way to at least postpone it. Avoid dramatic confrontations when you are in the middle of your anger, as tempting as they might be.</div>
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Instead wait. Find a healthy way to communicate what needs to be communicated later on.</div>
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At the same time, find a way to express your anger. If you keep it all bottled up inside, you might end up expressing it in passive aggressive ways in all areas of your life.</div>
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And no one wants to be <i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">that person</i>.</div>
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So find a way to release that angry energy. Talk to a friend, join <a href="http://www.tantrumclub.com/" style="background: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #634663; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">www.tantrumclub.com</a>, take up boxercise. Whatever helps. And realize the truth that the anger will pass.</div>
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Don’t numb it with alcohol or ignore it. Don’t resist it. Let it run its course. Observe the physical sensations in your body, thinks ‘where am I feeling this in my body?’ Then imagine a soothing light and feeling calming that fieriness.</div>
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Most importantly, control the way you think about it. Because no matter how you might feel you <i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">do</i>have control. The moment you decide to take on this empowering perspective, you will start to recover.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You’re not a victim and you never will be</span></div>
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Most anger is rooted in a feeling of weakness, victimhood, betrayal. Resist the voice telling you to turn it out on other people. Instead take responsibility for it. OWN it.</div>
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You created this anger. You alone. No one else has control over you. You have 100% control over your life and your emotions. You created the anger. You can also end it. And you WILL.</div>
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Keep your heart open to other people. It might sound tough in those heated moments, but try to feel the anger while keeping your heart open, while feeling love towards others.</div>
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And don’t worry, being a bunny boiler isn’t a permanent condition!</div>
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Learn lot more about handling anger and reclaiming your emotions. Take our ‘How Messed Up Am I?’ Quiz <a href="http://www.nakeddivorce.com/test/" style="background: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #634663; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">here</a> and find out if you’re:</div>
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<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Angry Bunny Boiler</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">In Denial & Keeping Up Appearances</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Cling-On Crazy</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Dazed Zombie</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Deep Grieving</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">‘<i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">MEH’</i></li>
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After the quiz you’ll get a free PDF report on exactly which personality type you are and how to deal with it in a healthy, wholesome way to be at peace and happy once more.</div>
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Tell us what you think about the quiz!</div>
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Adele</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-60587945926015707972015-03-15T14:00:00.000+00:002015-03-15T14:00:02.331+00:00The Wonderful Benefits of Being Miserable<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Being miserable is just great, don’t you find?</div>
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It’s an art form that’s well worth cultivating. It brings so many benefits to our lives, which is of course why so many people do their very best to excel at it.</div>
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Misery doesn't bring you a better life in any of the shallow, flighty, surface ways people talk about like more friendship, love and lovers. Better relationships with your family, spouse or children. It doesn't improve your career, financial situation, health, stability, fulfillment or joy of life.</div>
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It doesn't make you happier – well of course it doesn't; that would be defeating the point!</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The many benefits of being miserable</span></div>
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But this fine craft does allow you to feel superior and special in a way other people just don’t understand, which is fantastic. You can become a martyr overnight with a bit of misery – the innocent victim who tries so, so hard to be happy (not too hard though, be careful) and then the world just seems to conspire against you. You poor thing.</div>
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In an age where we have relative peace and prosperity, and more opportunities than ever before, it can be quite hard to find ways to feel like the beaten-down underdog. Misery solves that problem in a jiffy!</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You get sooo much attention</span></div>
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And this is the greatest benefit of all: being miserable gets you so much attention and compassion. Big-hearted and guilt-prone people especially will feel compelled to help you, to listen to you, to feel sorry for you. Here’s the best part: people feel vaguely guilty around you too.</div>
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You’re sure to always have company. Misery loves company, and you make people more and more miserable around you. Some will leave you, but never mind about them. They just don’t get it.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">And there’s more!</span> You come across as so wise and worldly, because you notice all the crap in the world. You are the first to see what’s wrong with everything and every idea. And you stop people just when they were about to blindly run forwards happily into something fun, without paying due attention to what could go wrong.</div>
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You’re like a profound, tragic guru of worldly wisdom. How awesome is that!</div>
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And you never experience disappointment or disillusion, because you never expect or hope for anything in the first place. You never experience loss or deep pain because you get rid of meaningful love from your life in the first place.</div>
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“I get it! I’m sold! So how do I get good at being miserable!?” I hear you cry. Here are a few tips to set you on your way.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How to be miserable – your quick 10-step guide</span></div>
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<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Make good things small and temporary</span></li>
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If anything good happens and you accidentally notice it, make sure you see it as being temporary and as small as possible. Like a glitch in the system.</div>
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<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Make bad things huge and everlasting</span></li>
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When something bad happens, make sure you notice and express how terrible it was, and how it happened because it always happens, and the effects will last forever. Here’s a tip: the more you talk about it, the more a problem lasts and spreads.</div>
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<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">See bad intentions behind everything</span></li>
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Turn innocent remarks into calculated insults from horrible people who intended to cause pain. See attempted attacks and offence behind everything.</div>
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<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Do <i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">everything</i> for personal gain</span></li>
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Never just do something for someone else unless you can get something out of it. Make sure you point out how everyone else giving to others is doing it for themselves too.</div>
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<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Be terrified of economic loss</span></li>
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Talk about how close you are to being broke all the time. Worry consistently about losing your job. Watch the news and find all the evidence you can that you are on the brink of bankruptcy and destruction.</div>
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<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Cultivate a negative identity</span></li>
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If you have any personal problems, make them the only things that matter about you. Become a Depressed Person, an Anxious Person, etc. Oh, and of course make sure those problems last longer and get bigger.</div>
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<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Don’t feel or express gratitude</span></li>
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Gratitude has no place in the life of a true misery master. There’s nothing in this world to be grateful for – make that your mantra.</div>
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<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Blame your parents and background</span></li>
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Always remember, your life was set out before you even had a chance. Your parents messed you up, so that’s that. They are the cause of all your shortcomings and failures.</div>
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<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Don’t be shallow and enjoy the little things</span></li>
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Take no pleasure in the beautiful, lovely things in life. Good conversation, art, wine, music, beauty. Leave that to shallow, pathetic happy people who just don’t <i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">understand</i>.</div>
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<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Focus on yourself and on the past</span></li>
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Ruminate and regret. Think and talk incessantly about every little problem you might have in your character, or something that happened to you. Don’t let anything go! All that mostly-imagined baggage is precious – and the key to a glorious life of absolute misery.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Here’s one extra bonus tip</span> – always pretend you want to be happy. Pretend to yourself too. If you start admitting that deep down you’re trying to be miserable – well, you might just start thinking how absurd it all is and become happy instead.</div>
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And that would ruin everything!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-24654600876713036512015-03-14T09:00:00.000+00:002015-03-14T09:00:00.456+00:00Have You Breached Your Personal Integrity?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF8AysrzpbJ1hvfbmoiP3liaVAMK9cIwztuMilPtI8IYvrWrxTEvc3oyrlYSP21pp54gxyxSl2m2CKVnrxxLrhfBZcyO7MNmrPpNL4LeusOsDu0PCgS4xOxvgY86gqrUowaPHKbZQ3Xzg/s1600/honor-in-classroom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF8AysrzpbJ1hvfbmoiP3liaVAMK9cIwztuMilPtI8IYvrWrxTEvc3oyrlYSP21pp54gxyxSl2m2CKVnrxxLrhfBZcyO7MNmrPpNL4LeusOsDu0PCgS4xOxvgY86gqrUowaPHKbZQ3Xzg/s1600/honor-in-classroom.jpg" height="170" width="320" /></a></div>
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Giving your word to something is SACRED. Your word is <i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">who you are</i>. When you make promises you cannot keep, you are plagued by guilt. We all are.</div>
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If things aren't working out in your life and everything seems to be going wrong then it’s not weird karma or voodoo – it’s because you've breached your personal integrity. What this means is you have broken agreements with yourself or others and have lots of incompletion in your life. By sorting out all those broken agreements , cleaning them up and getting incomplete things complete, you will restore your power again.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Why Integrity is the Source of ALL Your Power</span></div>
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Integrity is not good or bad OR right or wrong. However, when you have integrity – you have POWER. When you say something will happen, and it does, your word has power.</div>
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Promises and declarations have no power on a foundation of little or no integrity. The height of madness is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result – making declarations and not having them happen has you lose faith in your ability to produce results.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">So take a step back and ask yourself…</span></div>
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Where are you out of integrity? What is OFF? Are you up to date on your taxes, homework, work? Are you in communication? Where are you out of communication? Where are you hiding something? Where are you showing up late, where do you tell yourself ‘it doesn't matter’?</div>
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Start to be aware of when you make agreements and commitments with yourself and others. And STOP making promises you cannot certainly keep WITHOUT saying extra conditional words like:</div>
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‘I believe, I am told that, based on the following assumptions, to the best of my knowledge, as I understand it, provided I can achieve xyz, provided xxx happens, I can guarantee yyy, etc.’</div>
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This will allow you to stay in control, stay true to your word, and keep your power.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Already breached your integrity?</span></div>
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Don’t beat yourself up – you can reclaim your power. Here’s how to clean up your mess…</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">With yourself</span></div>
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The mastery of life includes integrity. Integrity is the process of cleaning up the mess you made. We made a whole bunch of agreements and didn't keep them. I said I wanted to be a chemist and never kept that agreement.</div>
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I only made that agreement with myself, but I am very important in my life. So I have to get my agreement that it is alright to let that original agreement go. Once I do that, the agreement ceases to exist. I start to look at the things that I agreed that I wanted to be, do and have, and find out that it’s alright not to be, do and have those now, and the agreements go.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">With others</span></div>
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I've also made some agreements with other people and I will have to handle those agreements. I’ll have to say to whoever I made the agreement, “Look, I made an agreement with you and what I’d like to do now is not to keep that agreement. I’d like to know what you need in order to be willing to accept that.”</div>
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In your lives there will be people that you have an inherent agreement to communicate with that you haven’t communicated with. You've withheld your communication. You can go back and clean up that mess by taking responsibility and communicating with those people.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It may be hard, but it can be simple</span></div>
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If you've left some problems unsolved in your life – and a problem unsolved in your life is one that keeps coming up – you can handle it by expanding your purposes to include solving it. All of a sudden, what was a problem ceases to be a problem. It becomes a part of the solution.</div>
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For the most part, simply acknowledging to the person that you made an agreement with that you didn't keep your agreement with them, or that you did something to them, would be enough to clean it up. Essentially, what you do it for is to expand your purposes – which are to make your life work – to include making their life work.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">YOUR ACTION PLAN to reclaim your power</span></div>
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Think right now – what agreements have you broken?</div>
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Choose one and expand your purpose to include solving that problem.</div>
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Get in communication with yourself or the other person involved, using the language in this post. For example, “We agreed xxx, yyy is what happened. I understand that what happened is not what we agreed. To restore my integrity with you I propose the following…”</div>
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Of course, be honest here too and don’t commit to anything you can’t do. Set out a realistic solution.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">And prepare to feel absolutely incredible afterwards!</span></div>
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There are few things more liberating.</div>
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Share your story once you've taken action. I’d love to hear it!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-86540877360549243902015-03-13T11:45:00.000+00:002015-03-13T11:45:18.065+00:00Poor Me Syndrome (the New PMS)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVDsfjuI2KE3h3CKvsgHABlWS-KDGU68MUDvaHSHg_OYNzfCwmhoPJQ8vvFS9i_gQQmCx7wzktL9pPAo0yV6eXXfk9ZJYPh95XbZK-XfFsZfXliecHlhKn19cfqbHEi21qV6A_NLj3O_w/s1600/IJAFWzM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVDsfjuI2KE3h3CKvsgHABlWS-KDGU68MUDvaHSHg_OYNzfCwmhoPJQ8vvFS9i_gQQmCx7wzktL9pPAo0yV6eXXfk9ZJYPh95XbZK-XfFsZfXliecHlhKn19cfqbHEi21qV6A_NLj3O_w/s1600/IJAFWzM.jpg" height="214" width="320" /></a></div>
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Some people just love to enroll everyone in their lives in a sad story so they can get attention, have a sad story to hide behind, and not live a happy fulfilled life.</div>
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Perhaps you know someone like this. Perhaps you know someone like this… intimately?</div>
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You know when you’re stuck in this rut when you keep telling this story over and over again to random people in your life. When people pat your arm and say how sorry they are for you or if you walk around sighing a lot about your life. You also know you’re doing this when your reason for not being happy is your sad story.</div>
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A few sad story examples – sound familiar?</h3>
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“My husband left me. My wife had an affair. I have no money because…”</div>
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“I would be happy if only Bob didn't leave me for the housemaid. I would be happy if my wife actually worked on our marriage. “</div>
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“I cannot work out because I have no time and my husband left me and I am so busy making my business successful so I just eat chocolate all the time.”</div>
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Ever catch yourself saying things like this? If you do, don’t beat yourself up, that might just become another sob story! Instead, it’s time to put that story aside and move past it.</div>
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Why self-pity is so seductive</h3>
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Many people slip into self-pity because that first tiny step seems like a good idea. It’s like a comforting technique when ‘no one else quite gets me and my problem’. Perhaps it even gives you some fleeting therapeutic feeling of solace and comfort.</div>
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And that first time you tell someone else your sob story, if they buy into it, it certainly does feel good to have them patting you on the shoulder and saying comforting things to you.</div>
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And BOOM, right in that moment you have initiated a few powerful psychological forces which will make it extremely likely you’ll continue making that sad story your friend and identity.</div>
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A lovely reward for misery</h3>
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We all desire attention, connection and feelings of importance. And when people start turning to you and giving you all three at once, just because you put on a sad face and told a sad story, it’s like a huge reward and instant source of pleasure. Your unconscious mind thinks it’s hit the jackpot!</div>
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Of course, this is an illusion, comforting is nice, but too much becomes a very negative form of attention. And self-pitying people end up alone in the long run, or at best surrounded by other ‘poor me syndrome’ sufferers.</div>
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Consistency and identity</h3>
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If you’ve read Robert Cialdini’s book <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Influence</em>, you’ll know one of the most powerful drivers of our actions is a need to remain consistent with what we have previously done and said, and who we have told others we are.</div>
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Once you take the first step onto the slippery slope of ‘poor me, poor me’, you will feel compelled to continue. And the further you go, the more you will feel it is your identity, the more you believe it yourself and want to reinforce it. You begin to spiral down into this pit of self-pity and negativity. Until one day you cannot remember life being any other way.</div>
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We love the underdog, we feel for the victim</h3>
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And PMS gives us a chance to become both! Isn’t it a kind of romantic, wonderful feeling to be the poor victim and underdog, downtrodden by the cruel world. You can feel important and have a wonderful excuse for not achieving or even trying to pursue your dreams.</div>
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With all these seductive factors you can see why so many people succumb to self-pity…</div>
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But it’s time to WAKE UP!</h3>
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Here is the cold, hard truth;</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">There is nothing evolved about sob stories</span></div>
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You just want attention or want to avoid doing whatever it takes to have a great life. It’s a form of laziness and you are not solving anything by telling the world about your story. Every time you tell someone your story you’re reinforcing it. So stop.</div>
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Rather than telling people your sob stories and reasons for not having a great life, get busy on sorting yourself out in 2015 and commit to living a happy and fulfilled life come hell or high water.</div>
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Want a helping push in the right direction?</div>
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Get in touch, that’s what I’m here for!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-73052694843104023032015-02-18T12:30:00.000+00:002015-02-18T12:30:00.053+00:00Are You A Giver Or A Taker In Your Relationships?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh82llHudzcqPgZpIIdNxGEerkI_qhlhJ7USt8E7m1NNy63-uY1sadfUVAPJuqpOh_BfXkIpSGbgmHINHN4bLa8umpJRlvH30nK_filiHV8FOJRUQyQBBuzJrZJRicn6iX6IsB5Qzz8emw/s1600/6956173-girl-hands-daisy-flowers-summer-mood.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh82llHudzcqPgZpIIdNxGEerkI_qhlhJ7USt8E7m1NNy63-uY1sadfUVAPJuqpOh_BfXkIpSGbgmHINHN4bLa8umpJRlvH30nK_filiHV8FOJRUQyQBBuzJrZJRicn6iX6IsB5Qzz8emw/s1600/6956173-girl-hands-daisy-flowers-summer-mood.jpg" height="200" width="320" /></a></div>
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Some people live life being just on the take – looking at what they can get out of every situation. They’re also not interested in doing something unless they get something in return.</div>
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In some way none of us will do anything unless we get something out of it but true joy in life comes from giving without a guarantee of receiving anything in return. Like unconditional love.</div>
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If you find yourself being conditional in the gifts you give people i.e. I gave you x, you owe me y then your gift was not given unconditionally.</div>
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<b>From taker to dictator</b></h2>
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I think self-centered people often wind up taking the Dictator role in relationships. Especially if they’re paired with a giver. This is where `who gets what and how much` is always determined by the taker, the other partner gets whatever the taker decides they’ll get. And that’s that.</div>
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This inevitably leads to unhappiness for the taker’s partner. And a failing relationship.</div>
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<b>You can’t take and win</b></h2>
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This fascinating study ‘<a data-mce-href="http://psychology.uchicago.edu/people/faculty/GiveTake.pdf" href="http://psychology.uchicago.edu/people/faculty/GiveTake.pdf">Reciprocity is Not Give and Take’</a> illustrates a powerful reason why takers kill relationships. With a series of experiments, a team at the University of Chicago found that when it comes to social relationships, including intimate relationships, when one side gives, the other side can give equally and both parties feel satisfied.</div>
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But when one side takes, and then in return the other side takes the same or receives something of equal value, then the dictator (sorry I mean the taker) is the only happy one left. The other party who was initially taken from is still not happy. It’s just human nature.</div>
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So to sum this up, the only relationship that can work and flourish is two givers. But watch out, there are still ways being a giver can be bad for you.</div>
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<b>Be a giver, not a record-keeping matcher</b></h2>
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Make sure you’re a giver, and not a matcher – someone who remembers every little thing they gave and expects the equal amount in return, or they’re just not happy. This Psychology Today <a data-mce-href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201311/the-best-kept-secret-highly-successful-couples" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201311/the-best-kept-secret-highly-successful-couples">article</a> explains the matcher nicely.</div>
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Very often such matchers don’t even express all the things they feel the other party owes them and they become martyrs – always giving, giving, giving and feeling sad and frustrated because the world just isn't giving back. See my earlier post on martyrs here. Don’t become one!</div>
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<b>Givers can be taken advantage of</b></h2>
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In any relationship the giver is the happiest and also potentially the unhappiest.</div>
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Just make sure you’re with another giver, not a taker or a matcher. And the best way to be is always strive to give unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. Except perhaps that warm feeling of giving to someone you love.</div>
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Give from the heart because you want to. I think you’ll agree that’s true love and the foundation of something beautiful.</div>
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<b>How to know you’re receiving unconditional love</b></h2>
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And at the same time respect yourself, don’t be taken disadvantage of and make sure you’re receiving unconditional love too. Not in a tit-for-tat way. But just be aware of it.</div>
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When you’re conscious of this you’ll know if your partner is playing the role of a taker and dictator. And you can communicate it to them if they are, because they’re probably unaware of it.</div>
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When your partner gives love and is happy, regardless, you know it’s no strings attached giving. And when you mess up, make poor choices, get in your partner’s way, take a wrong turn or sabotage your own happiness and you’re partner’s not disappointed or irritated. And stays right with you, without judging or punishing. That’s another sign you’re not with a taker.</div>
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So, are you a taker or a giver in your relationships?</div>
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Share your thoughts!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-48261791453512177992015-02-14T10:30:00.000+00:002015-02-14T10:30:00.829+00:00Don’t Hate the Love Month, Learn to Love It!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdmpeY2X4PE1OnNYSS9R8ipzF3mcGi-xLRf7eA1lyDFhRHHSoFLSbprVK7evi1GZGE3HU615J2hejoR7_i2jobyC9z623HHRpW0WgpY_GkEFqs8ojGWU9-pHprlGgJsr_SFU_G-Ck7ZrU/s1600/50131-Grumpy-Cat--Valentines-Day-I-h-MDsN.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdmpeY2X4PE1OnNYSS9R8ipzF3mcGi-xLRf7eA1lyDFhRHHSoFLSbprVK7evi1GZGE3HU615J2hejoR7_i2jobyC9z623HHRpW0WgpY_GkEFqs8ojGWU9-pHprlGgJsr_SFU_G-Ck7ZrU/s1600/50131-Grumpy-Cat--Valentines-Day-I-h-MDsN.jpeg" height="301" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The love month is upon us, and some people hate it because they are single. Is this you?</span></div>
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Well, time to cheer up – here’s how anyone can learn to love the love month. The thing to remember is that a romantic relationship is not just about sex. It’s about intimacy too, in all its many guises.</div>
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Love and intimacy are actually around you all the time in different forms. The problem is, as human beings in our society, we are attached to love or intimacy in a particular form or package.</div>
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If it isn't tall, dark and handsome with the name ‘boyfriend’ OR hot and sexy with the name ‘girlfriend’ then we reject it. And when we do that, we fail to see just how much love we have in our life so we wind up running around spitting at couples and cursing at happy matches because we feel angry about being single.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Love is all around you, it’s no cliché</span></h3>
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Love is all around and perhaps you don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend but you will have 4-5 amazing people in your life who provide love in its different ways.</div>
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This feeling we have of a need for love is actually a need for the various components of love and intimacy, and when we reject and shut off these things because they do not fit some sort of socially accepted package, we are stopping ourselves from enjoying a huge amount of pleasure endorphins and overall feelings of wellbeing.</div>
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If you break down the components of a romantic relationship, you might find you have a lot of love around. Here are some examples.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Companionship</span></h3>
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Your mother/father/the dude you watch football with/a friend you watch movies with or collect stamps with – who provides companionship in your life? You get this in many places.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Snuggles</span></h3>
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Who do you get snuggles from? Perhaps a beloved pet, a huggy friend, your mother/father or a giant teddy bear. You could volunteer at a shelter or go visit a dogs’ home or buy a giant pink panther teddy bear. You could even put a sign up that you will give away free hugs to get your snuggle time. The simple act of snuggling releases endorphins – doesn’t matter who or what with.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Laughter</span></h3>
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Who makes you laugh? Don’t tell me no one makes you laugh in your life! Surround yourself with gigglers or go try out some Laughter Yoga.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Good Listening</span></h3>
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Find someone in your life who really listens to you and gets you. You already know this person and perhaps you don’t spend enough time with him or her. Schedule that in.</div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Romance</span></h3>
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When you are single, it’s tricky to get the romance fix BUT there are probably single people in your life you can flirt with so find them and flirt with them.</div>
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If you are brave and put yourself out there into environments where you are in close physical contact with new people, it might just creep up on you. Join a dance class and try out that tango with a hunky man, or go to a dating event and simply enjoy the spark of getting to know new people.</div>
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See how much easier the love month is to bear when you break it down and find the components?</div>
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Go and get the intimacy you need. It’s all there just waiting for you!</div>
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Happy Valentine’s day!</h2>
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Lot’s of hugs</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-964577121341430292015-01-28T12:14:00.000+00:002015-01-28T12:14:40.092+00:00Should we fake it until we make it??<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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According to Mail Online there was an article written on “Why acting like you are in love can lead to the real thing” that if you want to feel in love, perhaps you should fake it until you make it.</div>
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The article suggested that if you behave in the way you want to be perceived by others, you can develop emotions birthed from those actions. Normally it is the other way around in that; <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">from</strong> experiences and emotions, our behavior that follows afterwards is subject to how we have felt, hence the reason we acted in that way. But taking this on the complete flip side, this study suggests our behavior of “acting with certain emotions” can develop those emotions, to then be real.</div>
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To test the theory of behavior affecting emotions, The results are published in Prof Wiseman’s new book, <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Rip It Up</strong>, where Prof Wiseman, of the University of Hertfordshire, held a speed-dating night, where some of the prospective partners were asked to act as though they were already in love with each other. The 100 volunteers, taking part in the study in Edinburgh, were encouraged to hold hands, gaze into each other’s eyes, and whisper secrets to each other, according to the Daily Telegraph. When questioned at the end on their feelings, 45 per cent of those who had ‘acted in love’ wanted see each other again – more than double the average rate of 20 per cent. Interesting stuff innit?</div>
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Leading psychologist Richard Wiseman says that behaving as if you find someone attractive increases your susceptibility to their charms, and increases the likelihood of you falling in love with them. And although he does not advocate arranged marriages he believes a lot can be learned from them. Arranged matches are carefully considered, with thought going into whether potential partners’ families, interests, values and life goals are compatible.</div>
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Which if we are honest a sad reality is that in society today, that same careful thought and consideration is not going into a lot of relationships and marriages as it should. People marry for love which by all means is the most shared reason and a fantastic reason at that – however there needs to be more than just love, there needs to be commitment, not just to the person but to the relationship, there should be a connection and mutual understanding of expectations of that relationship and mutual passion to fight for one another when the going gets tough.</div>
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Those who marry for love alone in some cases can be blinded by passion and so overlook the crucial details that should never be overlooked. With arranged marriages however, the commitment is normally very strong. They get married knowing they won’t leave, due to family situations or the requirements agreed upon before getting married. Consequently when times are harder, they don’t run away and often bad situations bring the couple closer.</div>
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I am in no way encouraging an arranged marriage, however the action that is taken in an arranged marriage <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">because</strong> of the different mindset is seemingly apparent to the results, that it can bring people closer by not having the option to quit, so they act accordingly.</div>
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Actions are the quickest, easiest and most powerful way to instantly change how you think and feel.’ in this same way when tough times arise in any relationship, rather than hold yourself stagnant in those emotions, the study of taking action is demonstrating an astounding result. The famous saying of <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">positive thinking</strong> can determine positive results. If you do <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">positive action</strong>, you can bring about positive thoughts and feelings!</div>
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If you act with a positive action despite how you may feel, it can not only develop positive emotions but a new outlook to your situation or your relationship.</div>
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With soaring divorce rates and record numbers of single-parent households increasing, researchers suggest it is time to rethink our approach to love.</div>
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‘The idea of leaving our loved lives to chance with an attitude of “Let’s see how it goes” may be OK at the beginning but when considering a future, a change in thought is screaming ‘necessary’.</div>
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We plan our careers, our children’s education and our finances but we’re still uncomfortable with the idea that we should plan our love lives. But with everything else in which we want success, don’t we normally make a plan? A vision on where we want to be, and a passion to fight for what we want? We have commitment to excellence until we reach it, true? My question is… how much of this is applied to a successful relationship? Why wouldn’t we take the same consideration and care?</div>
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Relationships are core to life. Other things can make us happy, sure. But without relationships we would have no one to share our happiness with. If we take more action in our relationships regardless of current emotions I think we will be astounded with the results in the long run.</div>
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Act positively. It might just develop those positive emotions you’ve been craving.</div>
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Till next time!</div>
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Lots of hugs</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-48672834140665242102015-01-15T10:30:00.000+00:002015-01-15T10:30:02.140+00:00Got a Gut Feeling? Your Gut Might Cause ALL Your Feelings!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Do you ever get a gut feeling about something? I was fascinated to learn that our gut and the health of our gut plays a <i>huge</i> role in how we feel.</div>
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Almost as much, perhaps even <i>as</i> much, as our minds do.</div>
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We spend all our time working our brain and the rest of our body to boost our emotions, but we may be ignoring half the cause of problems. Isn’t it exciting to think that we can literally feel happier and emotionally stronger, even boost our immune system and overall health, just by taking better care of our gut?</div>
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If you’re feeling down, anxious, depressed, or just want a big old boost of happiness-inducing serotonin, it turns out your gut most likely has a huge influence over it all, as its proposed in this very entertaining <a data-mce-href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lee-holmes/its-not-your-heart-that-r_b_5673477.html" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lee-holmes/its-not-your-heart-that-r_b_5673477.html" target="_blank" title="Huffington Post article.">Huffington Post article</a>.</div>
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<b>The little friends in your second brain</b></h3>
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You've probably heard of our friends the ‘good bacteria’ battling it out against the ‘bad bacteria’ in our digestive tract – our second brain. Well, the state of these micro flora and how well the good bacteria are doing determines a whole host of health-related factors.</div>
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For example, good bacteria decides how well the toxic by-products of your digestion are neutralized and whether harmful pathogenic bacteria or other substances are prevented or allowed to grow. And it determines how much hormone production there is and many other factors that affect the health of your immune system.</div>
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<b>Did you know you have two nervous systems too?</b></h3>
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That’s right. You have two nervous systems – one is the central nervous system we all know and love, which is in your brain and spinal cord. But you also have the ‘enteric’ nervous system, which is in your gastrointestinal tract – your gut.</div>
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Through this whole system your brain and gut are connected and the bacteria in your gut sends messages to the brain through the nervous system. These messages affect your mood, and you know the surprising part?</div>
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Your gut sends your brain more messages than the other way around. Your gut sends instructions on how to make you feel all day long. And since we can influence those messages, it’s something we should pay attention to, wouldn't you agree?</div>
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<b>Happiness, anxiety and depression</b></h3>
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You have neurons in your gut, which is another reason we call it the second brain. And these neurons produce neurotransmitters like serotonin – the primary chemical responsible for your feelings of well-being and happiness. We all know that, right?</div>
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But here’s another surprise. Serotonin is found in larger quantities in the gut than in the brain. So let’s influence our primary serotonin-producing environment in our gut and make more of it!</div>
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You may have experienced stomach pains or irritable bowel syndrome during times of great anxiety. There’s clearly a strong relationship between anxiety and the health of our gut.</div>
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There is even a strong line of scientific work proposing that certain probiotics can affect levels of proinflammatory cytokines and tryptophan in the gut, which have been implicated in depression.</div>
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“<b>OK, I get it! So how do I start improving my gut?!” </b>I hear you ask.</div>
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<span data-mce-style="line-height: 1.5em;" style="line-height: 1.5em;">Well, that’s the next stage of my investigation. And don’t worry, I’ll share my findings with you as I go.</span></div>
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Perhaps you already have some ideas.</div>
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Share them with us!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-11314051254070716632015-01-13T17:45:00.001+00:002015-01-13T17:45:14.871+00:00Go on, give yourself permission to climb into a Porg-hole!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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When I was little, I had a bull terrier named Porgie. I loved her so much so, that I would greet her on all fours, hide her in my bed so she wouldn't be cold and even come home and climb into her dog basket with her. She was an absolutely mental dog and I loved her craziness and zaniness. Porgie however, was no ordinary dog. She harbored a secret.</div>
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Not only did she chase her tail with joy, sit in the pantry and slip in her own drool waiting for a dog biscuit and eat noisily like each meal was her last, she had an inner wisdom which far exceeded her dog years.</div>
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I truly believe that Porgie was a guru in a previous lifetime.</div>
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Every few months, Porgie would be in a bad mood. Who knows what caused it – perhaps hormones, a phantom pregnancy, or Pluto aligning incorrectly with Venus. When this happened, she would go to the bottom of the garden and go dig a hole. She would then crawl into this ‘Porg-hole’ and growl if anyone came near her. I would attempt to coax her out with food but she didn't come out and she let me know that I was not welcome. 3-4 days later, she would come out of the hole, cover it up and come bounding back as if nothing had happened.</div>
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I used to think this was more evidence that my dog was weird and unwell but actually thinking back on it today – it was sheer genius.</div>
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In today’s society, we don’t ever allow ourselves to dwell in a bad mood. We are told to ‘snap out of it’, ‘cheer up’ and be happy. The dawn of Emotional Intelligence has created an international outbreak of suppressed human beings who don’t allow themselves to just be grumpy and to just be with their grumpiness, unhappiness or depression until is passes. Instead we must apply an emotional avoidance trigger or tranquilize ourselves with alcohol, drugs or antidepressants until ‘rational intelligence returns’.</div>
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GROWL. What Daniel Goleman didn't realize when he wrote his NY Times bestseller ‘Emotional Intelligence’, was that he helped contribute to the mass suppression of emotions which is commonplace in today’s society. Instead of expressing raw emotions, feeling them authentically, crying, screaming and just being grumpy when we feel grumpy, we are expected to be cool, calm, collected robots who smile politely, play political ping pong with the sales guy we hate and certainly don’t flinch in the boardroom when someone missed a deadline and messed up our project.</div>
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Your EQ is now more important than your IQ as this man managed to convince and advise nations that suppression is healthy, balanced and somehow good for us.</div>
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In describing the importance of acknowledging our emotional states, American psychologist Dr Maurice Elias says, “Emotions are human beings, i.e. warning systems as to what is really going on around them. Emotions are our most reliable indicators of how things are going in our lives. Emotions help keep us on the right track by making sure that we are led by more than the mental/intellectual faculties of thought, perception, reason, and memory.”</div>
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In her article titled ‘How to Understand, Express and Release your Emotions’, author Mary Kurus, a renowned psychologist based in New York, writes that emotions control our thinking, behavior and actions. If you ignore, dismiss or repress your feelings, you’re setting yourself up for physical illness.</div>
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The understanding is that emotions that are not felt and released can spawn a host of ailments: cancers, arthritis, and many types of chronic illnesses. The explanation is that negative emotions such as fear, anxiety, negativity, frustration and depression cause chemical reactions in our bodies that are very different from the chemicals released when we feel positive emotions such as happiness and contentment and also when we’re feeling loved and accepted.</div>
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<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Signs that you are repressing your emotions</span></strong></div>
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<b><br /></b>When we have an experience that is painful or difficult we often dismiss the emotions or bury them under busyness, exercise, comfort eating or drinking. The problem is that our suppressed emotions don’t like being hidden. Our negative feelings stay with us; in the muscles, ligaments, stomach and midriff. These emotions remain buried within us until we allow ourselves to feel them and deal with them, thereby releasing them.</div>
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Short Term Emotion Avoidance Triggers (STEATs) and other ‘methods’ we use to suppress or avoid our emotions:</div>
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<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Ignoring feelings.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Pretending something hasn't happened.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Overeating.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Eating foods loaded with sugar and fat (‘comfort eating’).</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Excessive drinking of alcohol.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Excessive use of recreational drugs.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Using prescription drugs such as tranquilizers or antidepressants.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Exercising compulsively.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Behaving compulsively.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Excessive sex with or without a partner.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Excessive busyness.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Constantly intellectualizing and analyzing situations.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Excessive reading or TV viewing.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Spending hours watching romantic movies or fantasizing about ‘the one’.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Working excessively.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Keeping conversations superficial.</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Burying angry emotions under the mask of peace and love.</li>
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You cannot control your emotions BUT truly acknowledging them and feeling them, allows them to move on.</div>
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You cannot change or control your emotions. Think of the people who trundle along day after day, seeming to function normally. And then one day they’ll suddenly explode over something seemingly trivial or harmless. This behavior is a result of a pressure-cooker syndrome; apply a little heat in the form of a tense situation and repressed emotions boil over. The more you try to control your emotions the more your emotions resist. Eventually you lose emotional control. It’s a vicious cycle.</div>
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It’s not popular in today’s society to express negative emotions in public. Seeming out of control is interpreted as a sign of weakness. We’re often uncomfortable around people who express strong emotions. As a society we’re taught to hide our emotions, to be ashamed of them and to be afraid of them.</div>
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We spend a great deal of time talking ‘about’ our feelings and emotions and very little time actually processing and feeling them. We attend workshops, visit therapists, and they describe how we feel.</div>
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We talk and talk about our emotions, intellectualizing and analyzing them, but how much time do we actually spend feeling them?</div>
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We are emotional creations and we must learn how to know our emotions, be with them, and release them in healthy ways.</div>
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Although I disagree with Daniel Goleman and his thoughts on intellectualizing our emotions before we give ourself permission to feel them – taking out our frustrations on others is also not particularly evolved. I know he wrote his book to prevent irrational rants in the workplace but the problem is we have become deader and more resigned than ever. Depression rates have never been so high as they are today and some psychologists believe that depression is simply long term suppression of emotion.</div>
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So Porgie had it right after all.</div>
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Feeling crabby? Go dig a hole away from others and go BE crabby and do not stop being crabby until you feel pruney with your crabbiness. Growl. Its really fun actually. Surrender to the emotions, feel them and be them until they naturally pass and peel away like layers of an onion. The crabiness is concealing a deep sadness, fear or anger so get to the root cause of your emotion so you can release the tension in your body and prevent long term illness from happening.</div>
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So, to hell with your EQ, smiling when you don’t mean it and fake bubbliness - its plastic and weird. Let people know how you feel in life. Give yourself permission to be a glorious crabby depressed mess until you are sick to death of it. Give yourself permission to climb into a Porg hole today – you will feel a hellava lots happier tomorrow and guarantee longer healthier life too.</div>
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Thanks be to Guru Porgie…</div>
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Till next time</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-27670957516692951492015-01-10T12:30:00.000+00:002015-01-10T12:30:00.758+00:00Attract an opportunity for your Dream Relationship in 21 days!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dzNZfQwQUZY_dJiEB1mpuCqGrmbe3WZdA0lKeXI6qQYSh1ObOTDn2ssvI53EJfM_qYvrNkiMPKsxdSF4ssI0A' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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So what is it that you are looking for in your dream relationship? To attract an opportunity for your dream relationship into your life in the next 21 days takes some action!!</div>
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When it comes to attracting the partner of your dreams, your unconscious beliefs are more powerful than your everyday thoughts. You cannot re-program your conscious mind. Your subconscious mind however, is like a giant computer hard drive that can be programmed with mental software (ie thought patterns and belief systems) to control your thinking.</div>
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For example, if you currently have a mental program installed in your subconscious mind that says: ‘I can’t have a beautifully loving relationship with my dream man’ or ‘I never get what I want and I’m not good enough’, your subconscious mind will make sure that you don’t have any opportunities to attract that amazing man into your life. And even if you consciously want nothing more than to be in an amazing relationship, your subconscious mind can ensure that you sabotage your success.<br />
Until you re-program your mind to support you attracting your dream partner, your limiting belief systems (or programs) in your subconscious mind will make you think thoughts that limit what you can attract into your life.</div>
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SO, you start with your DREAM RELATIONSHIP BLUEPRINT!<br />
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Answer these questions below:</div>
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<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">What do you want from a relationship now?</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">What did you learn in your previous relationship?</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Do you have a certain ‘type’ of partner you attract and where did this come from? Is it healthy for you? What ‘type’ of man do you believe is the type who will be the best for you in your life?</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How was your life when you met your ex? Where you happy and confident or feeling needy and desperate?</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How does being alone make you feel?</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">What were your ex’s positive traits that attracted you to him and what good aspects or attributes of that relationship would you like to create in your next relationship?</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">What are your expectations now? What are you looking for in your dream relationship?</li>
<li style="background: transparent; border: 0px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Think of your dream relationship. Close your eyes and create a little movie scene in your mind of you with your dream partner. How do you know it’s your dream partner? What’s happening in this scene? Write down everything you see, feel, hear, touch and experience. Ensure it’s a vivid scene.</li>
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Chat soon!<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-75219277787517815392015-01-07T10:00:00.000+00:002015-01-07T10:00:02.054+00:00So, Does Time Actually Heal All Wounds?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Today I want to talk about this idea that time heals wounds. </div>
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I think we can all agree that divorce causes huge chaos. It’s the end of something that was born of love, cemented at a ceremony and carried the combined hopes and dreams of those who shared your relationship and rooted for you. Those who haven’t been through divorce can’t fully comprehend the pain, humiliation and sense of confusion, loneliness and failure.</div>
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During my divorce I saw a therapist for a while. She told me that as I had been married for seven years, it would probably take me at least 18 months to get over the relationship and that I should ’take my time’. She commenced the therapy sessions by taking me back to an incident from my youth. I was four years old and had been abandoned by my parents outside Sunday School. She linked my feelings related to the divorce to the fear I’d felt then.</div>
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We explored that incident for some time and after two hours of deconstruction (and a hefty bill later), I left feeling thoroughly disempowered and confused. Not only was I annoyed with my former husband, I was now annoyed with my parents too.</div>
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I’m not knocking therapy, but after trying out several therapists in the early days of my divorce, the process of therapy didn't work wonders for me for the following reasons:</div>
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1. I had no understanding of what I was going through and going to therapy didn't give me any power in taking charge of my own healing</div>
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2. The healing process didn't feel transparent, it felt like the therapist had the secret to healing and the only way I was going to find out the secret was to commit to being deconstructed on a weekly basis for 18 months.</div>
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3. I felt that there was no goal or focus to my healing. The focus was instead on me fitting in whatever I needed to say within 1 hour.</div>
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4. I was surprised that therapy didn't encourage or talk about the necessity in creating a ‘container’ to ensure I was held together during my divorce.</div>
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5. My healing also did not fit into the ‘let’s meet once a week for 1 hour’ structure. I required a phone call here, a text there, an email at 1am or a session with 1 day’s notice. I wanted a friend to walk with me through the process and not interact in a conventional way. Everything in my life was moving so fast that by the time my weekly session arrived, everything had changed and I spent the session catching her up versus actually making any real progress.</div>
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I decided that there had to be a better way and created the <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">naked divorce</em></strong> process to eliminate these specific issues.</div>
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Over time and working with countless clients, I have found that like me, there are people who wanted to explore alternatives to therapy and an alternative to, as one of my clients put it; ‘<em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">washing myself in the same dirty water week in and week out’</em>.</div>
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I am sure you are familiar with the old adage that ‘Time heals all wounds’. This concept has become so synonymous with healing, that the thought of healing quickly feels fake and unbelievable. Therapy has consequently based it’s practice and disciplines on the premise that you need a great deal of time to heal.</div>
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I prefer Rosemary Kennedy’s thoughts on time…</div>
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<strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But the wound remains.”</em></strong></div>
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Without running the risk of sounding too philosophical, time is an artificial structure, much like a state, provincial or country line. Have you ever seen a state or provincial line? I used to look for them on the ground when I was a kid and never found one.</div>
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What I tell my clients when they say ‘Time heals all wounds’ is that <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">time doesn't heal anything, time simply passes. It is what we do with our lives while time is passing that either helps us, heals us, or mires us in the past.</strong></div>
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Whenever anyone encounters major trauma, there is an inevitable period of chaos. One of my clients actually said;</div>
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<strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“I feel like a piece of fabric fraying at the edges, one piece of thread at a time. I can only really handle what is right in front of me – one thing at a time, one thing at a time – like tunnel vision”</em></strong></div>
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Many people, mistaking the turbulent transition for the change itself, decide that they prefer the bad old days. They lose faith and go back to the old way of life where they are avoiding the pain or finding a comfort zone in their healing.</div>
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When we do that, when we run counter to our gut knowing that change must come, we have to rationalize our cowardice. “Better the devil you know,” we say, “than the devil you don’t know.” And so we cast out the world that might have been and remain stuck in old ways.</div>
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Maybe this passivity is itself the devil it fears. It pretends to be our ally, but it is really our tormentor. The timid part of ourselves fails to realize that more solutions would be found if more of us participated — if we didn't “wait and see.” Seeing and doing are joined at the bone.</div>
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In my work with men and women in the area of divorce coaching, I've noticed that some seem to have an ability to accept the hurts and disappointments of life and move on. They are goal orientated and know that the future is where they’re headed, not the past.</div>
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Others, however, seem to get stuck. They remain in the past and in their pain, as if those events had just happened, playing the “wait and see” game. Time played no factor in the one group moving on and the other group remaining stuck. It had to do with what they did within that time that made the difference.</div>
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Likewise, I could have taken six years to get over my divorce, but the steps would have been the same had I taken 21 days, 21 months or 21 years to do so. There are no shortcuts to getting over a failed marriage or life-changing trauma, but there are guidelines you can follow to get through the trauma efficiently and effectively.</div>
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When I considered my therapist’s advice to ‘take my time’, I decided it was probably in <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">her</em> best interests that I do so as her livelihood depended on me needing her inputs every week.</div>
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Time is an important factor in healing, but consider that telling people you ‘need lots of time’ is often an excuse to delay healing.</div>
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The question is not how much time it takes to heal, but rather how you spend that time. I had to reach an understanding that it was only myself putting the brakes on my healing.</div>
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So if you put this concept of time aside, imagine how amazing it would feel to have the new life you dream of. The new you. The woman who is over her old relationship, empowered, happy and at peace? This book is an invitation into a world where life and healing is not a struggle. Where living your dreams is a way of life, not an unreachable destination.</div>
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To many of you, this might sound like a fantasy. But I promise: No matter what brought you here, no matter how deep or painful your emotions are or what your personal story is, success is possible.</div>
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So I have an exercise for you, if you are willing. <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">Write down:</span></strong></div>
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a) Take some time to think back on your life. How have you dealt with loss in the past? (Whether it was the loss of someone special or a beloved pet)</div>
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b) What steps did you take that were healthy and healing?</div>
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c) What steps did you take, or not take, that hampered your recovery?</div>
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d) Keeping all that in mind, how are you spending your time day-to-day in healing from your divorce?</div>
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Consider if you are still feeling some anger, hurt, upset that perhaps you are not over your divorce and perhaps taking some steps towards healing could be beneficial for you…</div>
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Sending you a big hug!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-90609905314162841832015-01-06T16:29:00.000+00:002015-01-06T16:29:18.539+00:00Don’t Eat That Cookie! Are You Healing or Avoiding?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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When you were young did your mother use to say, ‘Don’t cry. Here have a cookie and you’ll feel better.’</div>
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And you ate the cookie, got distracted and yes you did actually feel a bit better. For ten minutes. Then the pain came back, and it was time for another cookie.</div>
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Does this sound at all familiar? If that child was you, perhaps you grew up to associate fixing your emotions with food, or other short term distractions. Instead of facing the pain and actually healing properly. The fact is:</div>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i>If you don’t confront your emotions, you’ll never heal!</i></b></h4>
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The example of the daughter and her cookie comes from John James and Russell Friedman’s great book ‘The Grief Recovery Handbook’, where they talk about confronting your emotions rather than filling your life with things that fill your time, but only provide a short-term relief.</div>
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When you eat that cookie the fact is there’s no emotional completion of the pain caused by the event. The event and all the feelings associated with it are simply buried. Ready to keep coming up throughout your life no matter how many cookies you eat.</div>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">What are Your Short Term Emotion Avoidance Tactics?</b></h2>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></b>Short Term Emotion Avoidance Tactics (STEATs) are things you do to avoid feeling the pain, numb the pain, or to take the pain away in the short term. They are often escapism-type activities where you keep SO focused and busy that there is no time to think.</div>
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They help you feel better in each moment BUT you’re not feeling better for real – it’s a false sense of security – a false feeling of recovery. And if you fill your life up with lots of STEATs your healing will not progress.</div>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">STEATs are so common after divorce</b></h2>
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The sad thing is that for most people struggling to get over their divorce they’re engaging in a cycle of feeling the pain, applying a STEAT, feeling the pain, applying another STEAT, until over time they feel numb and they think this numbness is them healed from their divorce.</div>
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STEATs prolong the emotional roller-coaster of your divorce. So you never fully grieve for long enough or experience the loss critical to healing for real. Your emotional roller coaster will go up and down, up and down. Until you stop. And start to heal for real.</div>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Your recovery exercise – which of these common STEATs do you use?</b></h2>
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It’s time to be brutally honest with yourself.</div>
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Try to identify two short-term relief activities you’ve been doing to distract yourself and displace your feelings since your divorce or break up. This can be a lot harder than it seems, but it’s going to take your absolute commitment to honesty to truly heal.</div>
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Here are some common examples: Excessive socializing. Over-exercising. Fantasy or escapism activities (books, TV, movies). Shopping/retail therapy. Work and becoming a workaholic. Pretending something hasn’t happened. Overeating. Eating foods loaded with sugar and fat (‘comfort eating’). Excessive drinking of alcohol. Excessive use of recreational drugs. Using prescription drugs such as tranquilizers or antidepressants.</div>
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The list is endless, and it could be something totally unique for you.</div>
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So, what STEATs do <i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You</i> use?</div>
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Can you share a few with the world?</div>
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I’d love to hear them!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-19416203216959857932015-01-02T13:00:00.000+00:002015-01-02T13:00:02.038+00:00You are 30% more likely to divorce THIS FRIDAY!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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How incredibly sad? There is actually a D DAY where family law firms and lawyers see a SPIKE in people inquiring about divorce and that day is the first day back to work after new years.</div>
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More than any other day, there is a 30% spike in inquiries on this day. Here are the 10 classic mistakes to avoid as written by lawyer Marilyn Stowe on her awesome <a data-mce-href="http://www.marilynstowe.co.uk/" href="http://www.marilynstowe.co.uk/" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(248, 248, 248); border-bottom-style: solid; border-width: 0px 0px 1px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1279be; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank" title="blog">blog</a>. Let’s take note of what a top lawyer thinks about divorce before you get yourself into muddy water.</div>
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1. <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Giving up at the first sign of trouble</em></h2>
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The grass elsewhere is not always as green as it may seem. Studies show that subsequent marriages are just as likely – more likely, in fact – to founder. If you are both committed to fighting for your marriage, can it be rescued?</div>
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2. <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Refusing help</em></h2>
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If your partner insists the relationship has broken down and will not budge, pretending it isn't happening or refusing to accept the decision is not going to help. You will only make the process more painful, stressful and expensive in the long run. I have known people to continue to harbor vain hopes of reconciliation, even to the point of ignoring the pile of solicitors’ letters building up beneath the letterbox. This approach, while understandable from an emotional point of view, can take its toll on your finances and on your health. I often recommend professional counselling to clients: I have observed that when clients have been to counselors, the results are often swift and truly amazing. Don’t sit there worrying.</div>
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3. <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Thinking that when it comes to family law, you know it all</em></h2>
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The truth is that unless you are a trained family lawyer, you don’t. You wouldn't pull your own teeth out, would you? Or conduct an appendectomy on yourself? Following the disappearance of much family law legal aid, we are seeing increasing numbers of people representing themselves in court, for financial reasons.</div>
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However there have always been those who have represented themselves out of choice. Why they think they can provide their own, sound legal counsel, I do not know. The legal issues can be complex. A divorce will affect your life, and your children’s lives, for years to come.</div>
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‘Proof is always in writing. Even in amicable cases, don’t rely on something agreed verbally. Your spouse may promise one thing but, unless it is clarified in an official settlement, it won’t hold up in court’</div>
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4. <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Thinking that legal aid is a</em><em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">vailable</em></h2>
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In most cases, it isn't. New legislation, which came into force in April 2013, removed certain areas of law from public funding. Family law legal aid has now been limited to very few cases which involve domestic abuse. It is still available for mediation.</div>
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5. <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Panicking about legal fees</em></h2>
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Instruct a solicitor in whom you have confidence, who can give you a guide from the first appointment as to what to expect and why, and reach an agreement as to how much you will be charged and how the fees are going to be paid.</div>
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6. <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Throwing money away</em></h2>
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Always be pragmatic. Be ready to negotiate and to settle. On the other hand, if the other side isn't playing ball and is intent on racking up costs, let the court take control and move to a hearing as fast as you can.</div>
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7. <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Withholding information</em></h2>
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Don’t be tempted to conceal little details or keep things to yourself. Instead, be honest and upfront with your solicitor. Keeping things hidden can be a way of trying to retain control of the situation, but by trying to pull the wool over your lawyer’s eyes you are potentially putting yourself at a disadvantage. In order to do their job properly, your solicitor needs to know the truth.</div>
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8. <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Hiding money. Don’t even think about it</em></h2>
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Forensic accountants who specialize in tracking down secret bank accounts and other assets are becoming more and more commonly involved in divorce cases. At our firm, for example, we have an in-house forensic accountancy team. Even if evidence of hidden finances are found after a divorce is finalized, an existing court order can be overturned retrospectively and the guilty party may be landed with a hefty bill.</div>
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9. <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Thinking verbal agreements count</em></h2>
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Proof is always in writing. Even in amicable cases, don’t rely on something agreed verbally. Your spouse may promise one thing but, unless it is clarified in an official settlement, it won’t hold up in court. Remember, matters can easily turn nasty. This isn't just about how the wedding presents are divided. It is your future life and can affect how pensions are shared or who gets the children over the Christmas holidays.</div>
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10. <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Settling your finances before you are ready</em></h2>
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Timing is essential. Settle too early before all the assets have been fully investigated, and you may settle for too little. Settle too late and circumstances may have altered irrevocably. An economic recession or upturn can have major effects upon a case. And don’t settle because of financial pressure. Your lawyer can advise you through it all.</div>
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Wishing you all the best till next time!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-80892962530383885762015-01-01T10:00:00.000+00:002015-01-01T10:00:00.127+00:00New Year, New You: Create a Healing Goal To Move On!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Every New Year is an opportunity to become clean, fresh, new and shiny bright. It’s a chance to wipe the slate clean and make some decisions about your life. It’s all about believing it’s possible and then going out there and making it happen. First step is to have a HEALING GOAL.</div>
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This is a vivid movie in your mind that you can day-dream about and work on every single day. It has colors, sounds, feelings and a beginning, middle and ending. It’s a little vision of yourself healed, better, living a wonderful life.</div>
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So, here it is – my gift to you to use and enjoy:</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">HEALING GOAL EXERCISE</strong></h2>
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1. Choose a very specific HEALING GOAL that you will work with on a daily basis. Make sure that this goal is something that is really important and meaningful to you. It should make you feel good imagining yourself having achieved that goal.</div>
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2. Create a picture in your mind’s eye that would indicate to you that your goal has already been accomplished. For example, if your goal is to heal from your past relationship and be even better off than you were before, your inspiring outcome might be that you are walking down the street, your head held high, looking gorgeous and feeling empowered, amazing, light and free. Your ex walks past you and calls your name. You wave and feel grateful and inspired. There is no worry or angst remaining as you go over to say hello. Your inspiring outcome is the end result. (You don’t have to have your ex in your goal, this is just an example).</div>
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3. To find your inspiring outcome, ask yourself the following three questions:</div>
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a. “How would I know that my goal had been accomplished?”</div>
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b. “Where would I be and what would I be doing when my goal has been accomplished?”</div>
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c. “What will I see, hear, and feel when my goal has been accomplished that will indicate to me that my goal is realized?”</div>
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4. Write out your HEALING GOAL describing in exact detail what you will see, hear, feel (emotionally and physically), taste and smell when your goal is complete.</div>
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Express your goal in all five senses:</div>
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• V – Visual (sight)</div>
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• A – Auditory (sound)</div>
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• K – Kinesthetic (feeling, both touch and emotion)</div>
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• G – Gustatory (taste)</div>
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• O – Olfactory (smell)</div>
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As your mind experiences reality, it filters reality through your five senses i.e. it receives input from what you are seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting and smelling.</div>
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Research shows that when you use your imagination like this, you can create an imagined experience so real that your mind cannot tell the difference between your imagined experience and reality. When this happens and your mind believes that your imagined experience is actually real, chemical reactions take place in your brain, effectively storing your imagined experience into your memory banks as if it were a real memory.</div>
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As you repeat this process of imagining over time, you can program new false memories into your mind. Your mind can then use these false memories as the basis for creating your reality.The end result of all this is that you can begin to think, feel and behave in new, more productive ways that will lead you closer to your goals. New ways of thinking, feeling and behaving have you attract new opportunities and resources into your life to help bring your dreams and goals into reality.</div>
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Note: You can hear each suggestion and can RELAX in the knowledge that YOU are making POSITIVE changes to your subconscious mind.</div>
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Example HEALING GOAL</div>
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Imagine that your inspired outcome for realizing your perfect HEALING GOAL is to see yourself dancing and looking incredible and being adored by all the men around you. You feel amazing! Here is an example of what you might write down describing your HEALING GOAL.</div>
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Visual: (sight)</h3>
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Flashing lights, bodies moving to the music, smiling people, arms up in the air, catch reflection of myself in the mirror looking amazing, gorgeous guys smiling at me and making motions towards me, champagne in tall glass…</div>
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Auditory: (hearing)</h3>
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Hearing the music, glasses clanking together, murmuring of voices, laughing, guy asking me to dance etc…</div>
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Kinaesthetic: (touch)</h3>
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Cold champagne in hand, feel warmth of a body next to mine, the touch of the fabric against my skin etc…</div>
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Kinaesthetic: (emotions)</h3>
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Happy, contented, empowered, at peace, warm heart, excited, peaceful, grateful, appreciative, joy, mind quiet etc…</div>
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Gustatory: (taste)</h3>
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Salty as I lick my lips, champagne etc…</div>
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Olfactory: (smell)</h3>
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Champagne, after-shave etc…</div>
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Note: Before you program your mind, it is important to get specific about what you want to program your mind with. Fill in your HEALING GOAL using single words or short phrases. An example of what a completed HEALING GOAL looks like can be found below.</div>
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VAKGO sensory elements</h1>
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To help you extract the VAKGO information from your HEALING GOAL, I have included a list of some sensory elements that make up each of your five senses.If you find yourself having difficulty creating some of the sensory information in your HEALING GOAL, go through the list below for the particular sense that you are working on, and see if it jogs your imagination.</div>
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Visual elements:</h2>
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Objects</div>
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People</div>
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Shape</div>
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Size – big / small</div>
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Color</div>
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Brightness</div>
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Contrast – light / shade</div>
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Texture</div>
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Auditory elements:</h2>
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Volume – loud / soft</div>
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Distance – near / far</div>
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Quality – clear / distorted</div>
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Background sounds</div>
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Kinaesthetic (touch) elements:</h2>
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Temperature – hot / cold</div>
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Wind / water / rain against skin?</div>
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Texture and pressure</div>
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Clothing – how your clothes feel against your skin.</div>
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Are you holding anything in your hands? / Are you touching anything?</div>
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Are you sitting or lying down – if so, what does that feel like?</div>
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Movement and posture</div>
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Kinaesthetic (emotional) elements:</h2>
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Emotional quality – e.g. joy, excitement, pride, gratitude etc…</div>
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Intensity – strong / weak</div>
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Location in your body – e.g. heart area, solar plexus area, head area.</div>
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Gustatory elements:</h2>
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Texture</div>
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Intensity of taste</div>
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Hot / cold</div>
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Sweet / sour / salty</div>
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Olfactory elements:</h2>
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Pungency / intensity of smell</div>
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Smells good / bad</div>
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Distance – close / far</div>
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MY HEALING GOAL</h1>
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Date: ……………………………………………………………………………………………………</div>
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My HEALING GOAL is (no more than a simple paragraph):</div>
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My inspired outcome is…</div>
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(write one or two sentences summarizing your outcome):</div>
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Visual (sight)</div>
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Auditory (hearing)</div>
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Kinaesthetic (touch)</div>
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Kinaesthetic (emotions)</div>
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Gustatory (taste)</div>
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Olfactory (smell)</div>
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Till next time,</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyK3Agu8RpYCpgPecE3W50PRbz7_3s_JKkBJ6UxI1FCBZunHzQ7TN7LDiUbkIgyudgYsrRZ32viNBkND4UD6U5eyr_-QWKf3xoUJCNTMDWrf6omF-CbujP7alY4sb2v7nZjvysNS1SJ2I/s1600/AdeleSign2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyK3Agu8RpYCpgPecE3W50PRbz7_3s_JKkBJ6UxI1FCBZunHzQ7TN7LDiUbkIgyudgYsrRZ32viNBkND4UD6U5eyr_-QWKf3xoUJCNTMDWrf6omF-CbujP7alY4sb2v7nZjvysNS1SJ2I/s1600/AdeleSign2.jpg" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-82417196589416795122014-12-26T23:22:00.000+00:002014-12-26T23:22:04.891+00:00Flying off the handle ladies? We have just the thing for you this Xmas!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFajLkYQ_HLnZaTijzG32KXxrpTP_cqJF05NGfEojYR21fzgFcFsOAWgQ8gnfqVDhf3hFpA310n2Au3mjloc11eBXrNtLfQ4olRYwdyPce0Dybp8TI3bDExtHk9u-H8e17ZDNhrH99FvM/s1600/geeky-christmas-stockings-5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFajLkYQ_HLnZaTijzG32KXxrpTP_cqJF05NGfEojYR21fzgFcFsOAWgQ8gnfqVDhf3hFpA310n2Au3mjloc11eBXrNtLfQ4olRYwdyPce0Dybp8TI3bDExtHk9u-H8e17ZDNhrH99FvM/s1600/geeky-christmas-stockings-5.jpg" height="284" width="320" /></a></div>
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Christmas cards sent? Check. All the presents bought? Check. School nativity attended? Check. Congratulations. Now you only have to wrap and deliver all your presents, do the food shopping, finish putting up the decorations and cook a perfect meal for 12 people on Christmas Day. Is it any wonder that occasionally things don’t go to plan and we can end up feeling volcanic with rage?</div>
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Why are women getting so angry?</h3>
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A recent article in the Daily Mail highlighted the concern many women feel about their difficulty in managing their anger. Lisa describes how she threw her son’s schoolbook across the room when running late for school, entrepreneur Charlotte outlines how even small things can trigger a furious outburst, and sculptor Sally explains how she lost multiple jobs because of her angry tirades. There are many suggestions for the rise in the number of women who feel their anger is out of control, including the pressures of working and running a home, dealing with stress at work, life-changing events such as divorce, or long-hidden trauma.</div>
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<strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Why do women feel the need to control their anger?</strong></h3>
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Traditionally, there has been an unwritten expectation that women should overcome their feelings and maintain an unruffled appearance; think of the oft-quoted reference to the swan, who appear serene as it glides along the river, but is paddling furiously underwater. Women have been led to believe that expressing your emotions outwardly is damaging, and that it’s important to protect others from your ‘unreasonable’ behavior. But is this true?</div>
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<strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The science of anger</strong></h3>
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Evidence suggests that continually repressing emotions has a serious impact on our health. Dr Deepak Chopra’s theory of ‘cellular healing’ states that cells store phantom memories which are retained when they regenerate, leading to physical problems. However, people who had survived serious illness could access this cell memory and release the negative emotions, ensuring that new cells remained unaffected. Research by Dr Candace Pert shows that repressing emotions releases chemicals which blocks cell receptors, causing potential long-term damage, whilst expressing emotions keeps receptors open.</div>
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<strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How can we release our anger safely?</strong></h3>
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Hurling the crockery at your partner is unhealthy as well as expensive. What you need is a secure environment to let your anger out without causing distress to those around you. If you have trouble controlling your anger, then <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TantrumClub" style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: #4c6397; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Tantrum Club</a> is just what you need. Designed exclusively for women, you can scream your frustration, yell about your anger, and even indulge in a therapeutic session of hitting a beanbag with a baseball bat, all designed to give you a chance to express your anger safely. New clubs are springing up around the country, and there is also a telephone helpline where you can vent your fury without causing a major incident at home or work.</div>
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So when the hustle and bustle of Christmas all seems too much, and your mother-in-law has criticized your cooking once too often, why not take yourself off to Tantrum Club and let it all out safely?</div>
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Till next time, lots of hugs..</div>
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Adele</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-2581729195101433342014-12-23T13:36:00.000+00:002014-12-23T13:36:42.034+00:007 Reasons Your Bad Divorce Etiquette is Stopping Your Recovery<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Four days into my divorce I hadn't eaten for three days, I’d been in my tracksuit for 36 hours straight and had chain-smoked 40 cigarettes – and I’m not even a smoker.</div>
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A huge pile of laundry lay on the couch waiting to be ironed, and used tissues were everywhere. The house was in absolute chaos, I ddidn'tfeel like doing <i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">anything</i>.</div>
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I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. The pain felt <i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">unbearable</i>, I just wanted to feel normal again.</div>
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I’d read 27 books on breaking up in two weeks. I’d spoken to two therapists. I had spoken to a counselor. I’d listened to music. I listened to a personal development CD. I spoke to friends. Nothing helped. <i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I was going crazy!</i></div>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Are <i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You</i> Feeling the Same Way?</b></div>
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The truth is, without the faintest understanding of divorce etiquette, I had no idea how to deal with myself and my emotions, my ex-husband and others around me.</div>
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I had no idea even where to begin, and my lack of knowledge was taking me on a steep downward spiral <i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">away</i> from recovery.</div>
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Finally, my deep pain and trauma served as a catalyst to taking action. And I created my own structured system for recovery using my skills as a corporate change specialist – now of course the 21-Day Divorce Angel system.</div>
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Key to this was learning and understanding good divorce etiquette, which gave me the strength, belief and strategy to follow the recovery steps with power and decorum, and get back to a happy, normal life.</div>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Seven Reasons You Need Good Divorce Etiquette</b></h2>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></b><b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1. You’re unable to follow a strategy for recovery</b></div>
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Without adopting the right etiquette and code of conduct, you can’t separate yourself from the bitter and twisted version of yourself <i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you could become</i> if you allowed yourself to descend into self pity or loathing of your ex.</div>
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And even when you find and believe in a real strategy for recovery, your anger, panic or eratic emotions will short-circuit and sabotage your best efforts to walk out of this with your head held high.</div>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">2. Your judgment is poor, and you can’t see nonsense advice for what it is</b></div>
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Without strong, proven divorce etiquette to make you feel anchored in reality, you won’t trust your own judgment, and you’ll believe all types of contradictory advice thrown at you by well-meaning friends and authors.</div>
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Like ‘don’t cry, there are plenty more fish in the sea, time heals all wounds, you must stay active, don’t mope about, be strong for your children / mother / brother.’ All of which are unhelpful and even damaging myths.</div>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">3. You’ll check out, instead of feeling and facing your emotions</b></div>
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Without knowing how, facing your emotions can seem terrifying. And if you check out instead, as many do, you won’t be able to recover at all.</div>
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Correct divorce etiquette allows you to face your emotions with some certainty, strategy and decorum. Knowing there’s freedom and recovery on the other side.</div>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">4. You’ll deal with your ex in an unhealthy way</b></div>
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It’s so important how you deal with your ex. The right plan and code of conduct will give you a structure to minimize contact without going cold turkey, and work towards understanding, forgiveness and even one day friendship – for your true peace of mind and recovery.</div>
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Without the right etiquette many also get drawn back to having sex with their ex, which doesn’t help you in any way to get a clean break and closure.</div>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">5. Your kids, and others in your life, will suffer</b></div>
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You need a game plan and a great deal of personal strength to deal with your kids in a way that leaves them unharmed by the experience.</div>
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Also, dealing with your friends and family – especially with the clumsy and strange ways they speak and act around you – is so important to saving your relationships while you recover.</div>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">6. Your career will suffer</b></div>
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Keeping your career on track while coping with a divorce is like juggling eggs; you have to remain focused to continue performing, and falling apart is not an option.</div>
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With work, knowing the right etiquette is all-important. Without it, your life will be so much worse when you finally do recover.</div>
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<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">7. Your next relationship will fail too</b></div>
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A shocking 56% of second marriages end in divorce, and 72% of third marriages fail too. But if you follow the right steps, code of conduct, and process your divorce properly, you’ll be able to move onto a fulfilling, loving, happy relationship that lasts.</div>
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It’s easy to get trapped in a never-ending cycle of self-help break up books, therapists and counselors. But when you feel the power and hope that comes with knowing the right strategy and etiquette, and having the right support, then you’ll be focused on real recovery as quickly as possible. No more messing or moping around.</div>
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Contrary to what most therapists will tell you, recovering from your divorce should take weeks, not months and years.</div>
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Take your first step to a happy, fresh new life today.</div>
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Download my free eBook, with in-depth step-by-step guidance on <b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Etiquette of Divorce</b>from<b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </b>https://www.facebook.com/Divorce.Club/app_190322544333196</div>
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Hugs</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-86708609240086297572014-12-17T15:41:00.000+00:002014-12-17T15:41:55.410+00:00Stop Saying ‘I’m Fine’ When You’re NOT<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9qdb-nsgOsAFQeBRanR9_-kYclxoPhYcmx-9R1dM_sW2wZKON7kPuKHLLTjCQoJEGG8kNfKuJ08lO7BsHAi-f0AcycMTWbdoCvFMM4mPaTf9sEGql7-Kf-4kiAvSXRoadE-V6jPF57p0/s1600/784768a2642707cb3627bc0adc11252e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9qdb-nsgOsAFQeBRanR9_-kYclxoPhYcmx-9R1dM_sW2wZKON7kPuKHLLTjCQoJEGG8kNfKuJ08lO7BsHAi-f0AcycMTWbdoCvFMM4mPaTf9sEGql7-Kf-4kiAvSXRoadE-V6jPF57p0/s1600/784768a2642707cb3627bc0adc11252e.jpg" height="320" width="227" /></a></div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: #141823; font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Are you always saying “I’m fine” and resisting support?</span></div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It’s so interesting that the people who struggle the most and need the most help in life, usually don’t see it. They’re the people who push help and support away.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">They think needing support is weakness. That even </span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">admitting </i></span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you need help is weakness.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Do you know someone like this? Perhaps you know someone like this rather… </span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">intimately</i></span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">?</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you do, here’s news for you:</span></span></div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: small; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Winners Get Help!</b></span></span></span></div>
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<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">And they always do. Quickly, when they need it. Without complaining. And without caring one little bit about how they’re perceived for asking for support. </span></span></div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Those self-aware people enjoying success in life notice when they need help sorting something out. When things don’t work out they say, ‘Woah, I need to get my head straight and because I am </span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">in</i></span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> my own head, I probably need some help with that.’</span></span></div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">They then get up and go get help and just like that, they’re back in their mojo. Loving life once more. They even build a whole Dream Team of support people in their corner.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">And they do it because they know they’re responsible for everything in their lives. And they avoid the common mistake in thinking I see so often among (usually very intelligent) ‘I’m fine’ people…</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: small; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Stop Looking </b></span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Outside</b></i></span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Yourself for a Magic Bullet Solution</b></span></span></span></div>
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<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I see this pattern so often. People who think their issues in life are outside of themselves.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">They think if they can just change their circumstances, their financial situation, their weight or their job, or the people around them then BOOM everything will suddenly fall into place and their life will work out.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The truth is circumstances and the people around us have </span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">nothing</i></span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> to do with our lives being good or bad. Our mindset, attitude and inner world absolutely shapes our outcomes in the world around us.</span></span></span></div>
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<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: small; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It’s All On You – </b></span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You</b></i></span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Are the Cause</b></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If life ain’t working out for you, or you keep attracting drama/chaos/issues, or are just perpetually unhappy, then you have something to do with that. You, and only you.</span></span></div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">We cannot control what happens to us in life but we </span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">can</i></span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> control how we react. It’s all about our mindset and our inner landscape, which shapes our outcomes.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The bottom line – we are responsible for the results we achieve in life. We have everything to do with how our lives turn out. And those who know this fact are self-aware and are usually the ones happy and enjoying success.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: small; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If You’re on an Island You’re Probably Drowning</b></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The ones that say they never need help but continue complaining, staying on their islands being ‘fine’ are usually the ones sinking and drowning in a pit of despair.</span></span></div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">There’s a misunderstanding that seeking support somehow makes you weak. Successful people have no concern about how they’re perceived – they simply focus everything on being empowered and driving forw</span><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">ard.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">They look at themselves, get into action, do whatever it takes. And successful people have their Dream Team to support them through everything.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: small; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Your Challenge – One Whole Day, NO COMPLAINING</b></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Here’s my challenge to you. Firstly, take on the ‘No Complaints Day’ challenge. For one whole day you are not allowed to complain in any way, shape or form. Sounds easy? Try it. It might be the most revealing day of your life.</span></span></div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; font-family: verdana, geneva; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Secondly, start building your Dream Team of support around you. Stop saying ‘I’m fine’ when you’re not, and start saying ‘Can you help me please?’</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #231f20; font-family: myriadCondensed; font-size: 17px; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background: transparent; border: 0px; color: black; font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">And tell me what you discover. I’d love to hear it!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM-vpNJf8V8d7Ufo34UkK5yQ7HywoP_1ZVFmBNthsDWbPThIjaFSlxkGtndSJ171pQEtzNysNU1Aj9HTt2GzBjTFbUAULkA1trJMgN3Vh2Zkkf1QkuLWZCD_JTY1bSz_Htv4hnHB_aa6I/s1600/AdeleSign1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM-vpNJf8V8d7Ufo34UkK5yQ7HywoP_1ZVFmBNthsDWbPThIjaFSlxkGtndSJ171pQEtzNysNU1Aj9HTt2GzBjTFbUAULkA1trJMgN3Vh2Zkkf1QkuLWZCD_JTY1bSz_Htv4hnHB_aa6I/s1600/AdeleSign1.jpg" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-24758259815795902142014-12-16T19:00:00.000+00:002014-12-16T19:00:01.884+00:00Are You Choosing Your Life Or just Surviving?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio15HitXfkMDySgYmOk8fHtr1ybtDgVi2_a9NUBOPbA8RI_7R7kMkGH3Id6zDicRKyZmIO6qNpMMma2IJeCOUGxQ84ortgksGd_Qex58VXHS2X7eSe3EYfGr7dqxGtXibT-g2jnRyvMBU/s1600/Depressed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio15HitXfkMDySgYmOk8fHtr1ybtDgVi2_a9NUBOPbA8RI_7R7kMkGH3Id6zDicRKyZmIO6qNpMMma2IJeCOUGxQ84ortgksGd_Qex58VXHS2X7eSe3EYfGr7dqxGtXibT-g2jnRyvMBU/s1600/Depressed.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
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One of my clients was so traumatized by something brutal which happened in her life. She dealt with it by swallowing everything down, including alcohol, drugs and just numbing herself.</div>
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<b>Many would say she 'chose' her path of destruction</b></h3>
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In life this word 'choice' always gets tossed about. Perhaps too much. How we always have a choice in everything we do. How everything we do is our choice.</div>
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I believe that on one level but I am beginning to think that true choice is something which becomes available when you’re on the higher echelons of Maslow's hierarchy of needs;</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI2-a6EbBh8oeDjP6KFUY-yEMyA8DTpaq51nO01vaPhUn8gNYiQ0rhmbIfWjrtSOCubblLV83fUYLB53dd6YgsGWpMFqcX4vZ4TC3n7CXYhiJVvPckYUFRFVP1oXtIb-2fmDMxwDgEZLA/s1600/MaslowsHiearchyofNeeds.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI2-a6EbBh8oeDjP6KFUY-yEMyA8DTpaq51nO01vaPhUn8gNYiQ0rhmbIfWjrtSOCubblLV83fUYLB53dd6YgsGWpMFqcX4vZ4TC3n7CXYhiJVvPckYUFRFVP1oXtIb-2fmDMxwDgEZLA/s1600/MaslowsHiearchyofNeeds.png" height="209" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>You need to be able to think straight to truly 'choose'</b></h3>
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Otherwise we’re just reacting and stumbling along. The thing about being in survival is you go back to basics and consequently have no true 'choice' because you’re just existing to survive. You can't think properly and operate robotically.</div>
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Suddenly all you feel you can focus on is getting the basic needs of physiology and safety; sleep, food, sex, homeostasis, safety of body, safety of employment.</div>
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All those old stuck emotions keep you held down, unable to rise above survival mode or think beyond it. When you don’t face those emotions and work to release them permanently you’re just stuck struggling to deal with them day by day, while also trying to operate a normal life and survive.</div>
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Everything beyond that is way out of your reach, and beyond your choice to have in your life.</div>
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Without releasing all those old stuck emotions, you can't choose a different path consciously. You can't just 'switch' off anger, deadness, and coping mechanisms to just be full of happiness or possibility.</div>
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<b>Your unconscious mind is driving you blindly</b></h3>
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Although you may consciously recognize that you’re on a self-destructive, unfulfilling path away from real healing, you don’t have the choice to get off it without taking the difficult step first to release all the crap that’s holding you there.</div>
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So your unconscious mind is robotically taking over and trying to get you through the day. And without any understanding of a real strategy for release and long term healing, your unconscious mind is pushing you to deal with the pain and stuck emotions the only way it knows how – with short term escape tactics.</div>
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For my client this was drugs and alcohol among other things.</div>
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<b>How to release and escape the cycle</b></h3>
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But my client has now been doing this incredible catharsis release process we designed and what is now there is pure sadness and compassion – for herself, others and her family.</div>
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<b>She now has a choice!</b></h3>
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A choice to take a different path and heal herself. To move beyond this kind of destructive survival mode and cycle, and towards happiness and possibility once more.</div>
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And she got there by taking that first bold step and facing those old stuck emotions head on, following our carefully developed release process.</div>
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Are you stuck in a similar place?</div>
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I’d love to help.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGMrABDG6ePpdfRuE4rHn580G0m2BK9HuZ_stklXETSZBXURKMuayBqV_kz0gTUIj0_RLuWHtiuC2vshfIU-rC7vbBLTFL8Ikc_FeAXYr3NgKzYJ7rYwB_l5tef67fndZ9UII7O1wPpzI/s1600/AdeleSign2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGMrABDG6ePpdfRuE4rHn580G0m2BK9HuZ_stklXETSZBXURKMuayBqV_kz0gTUIj0_RLuWHtiuC2vshfIU-rC7vbBLTFL8Ikc_FeAXYr3NgKzYJ7rYwB_l5tef67fndZ9UII7O1wPpzI/s1600/AdeleSign2.jpg" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-39885162277094820922014-12-14T11:00:00.000+00:002014-12-14T11:00:01.903+00:00If forever single and 50+ - are you a woman who emasculates men?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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In a recent article for the Daily Mail, Kate Mulvey bemoans the fact that as she approaches 50, she is not yet married, putting this down to the fact that men are unable to cope with a woman 'outshining' them. She refers to recent research confirming this, saying 'I have lost count of the times men have rejected and insulted me simply because I was brighter, wittier or cleverer than they are.'</div>
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In her article, Kate talks about several occasions when her partners (for she seems to have had many), have reacted negatively when she has demonstrated her superior knowledge or intellect. She is 'convinced that the reason I am still booking a table for one..[is] because men are so threatened by my intelligence.'</div>
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Kate outlines her academic prowess, including having breezed through university, stressing how she continues to enjoy learning, and how she is keen to flex [her] intellectual muscles, and to never let a man get the last word just because of his sex. Kate concludes that it's necessary to become a giggly man-pleaser in order to have a successful relationship, and is unwilling to sell-out by doing so.</div>
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Fair enough Kate, but I am not sure if your assessment of why you are single is accurate...</div>
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I don't think men are threatened by you, I think men feel emasculated around you so don't like the way they feel about themselves when with you, so they leave you...</div>
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I agree that it's not necessary to conform to some stereotypical view of a submissive doormat, who flutters her eyelashes and simpers, because it's impossible to attract a man otherwise BUT I also think shoving your superior knowledge or intellect in their faces is not going to win any relationship points.</div>
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Consider what makes a fulfilling and positive relationship. What do most people, male or female, look for in a relationship? Of course, there are many answers to this, and what makes one person happy in a relationship may not make another person feel the same. However, at the heart of any strong relationship is the concept of mutual love, support and respect, and the idea of your partner wanting the best for you, and helping you to be the best that you can be. No-one feels happy in a relationship where one partner is so concerned to demonstrate their capability or strengths, that they don't take their partner's feelings into consideration.</div>
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The sad thing is I SEE SO MANY WOMEN LIKE KATE WHO DO THIS. They then blame the men for being threatened!! Ladies: showing a constant need to be the best, or always wanting the last word, is not a good way to communicate care and respect for your man. For a relationship to deepen and strengthen over time, it needs to be carefully nurtured and nourished, by letting him know that he is the most important person in the world to you, and that you care about how he feels. Continually undermining him, or competing with him, will exhaust him and damage and end your relationship.</div>
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Here are some sure fire signs that you emasculate men:</div>
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<li>Ask him for help, then either criticise what he did, redo it or do it your way</li>
<li>Fight and shout in scream in public</li>
<li>Call him names in front of other people or mock him in public in ANY way, shape or form</li>
<li>Belittle what he does for a living</li>
<li>Mother him</li>
<li>Flirt with his friends in front of him</li>
<li>Tell him another guy could do it better</li>
<li>Straighten his tie or preen his clothes for him in public (like his mother used to do)</li>
<li>Pat him on the head in public</li>
<li>Never praise anything he does, just criticise</li>
<li>Nag and nag ang nag him shouting instructions at him to do x,y or z</li>
<li>Belittle his manhood</li>
<li>Micromanage his every move</li>
<li>Tell him you will pay for things all the time or ASSUME that he cannot pay his own way</li>
<li>Embaress him by giving him bigger presents than he gives you</li>
<li>Nothing he does is ever good enough</li>
<li>Go on and on about how clever you are</li>
<li>Laugh at him mockingly often</li>
<li>Make his salary an issue</li>
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What makes a great relationship? When both of you feel like the best person of yourselves when together. Most men I know have no problem with a highly intelligent woman - on the contrary: they look for them. BUT when a highly intelligent woman is also arrogant, haughty or emasculating to be around - most men will run a mile.</div>
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If a couple lays a foundation of mutual support, encouragement and respect, this builds confidence in the relationship. True love is demonstrated by the willingness to compromise occasionally, and a genuine concern to act with their best interests at heart. You will not want to hurt or embarrass your fella, especially in public. Choosing not to outshine your man on occasions, (even if you could), is not selling out. You simply recognise that consideration for his feelings is far more important to the health of your relationship. A man who truly feels loved and valued will not want to leave.</div>
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SO, if you are forever single, serially dating and being dumped and 50+ and have been telling yourself that you are just too smart and intelligent for all the men out there - stop. Take a look at yourself. Has your positive sense of self turned your arrogant and do you emasculate the men around you? If so, then come and do the Naked Divorce program and get to the source of why you keep pushing great guys away and sending most men running a mile. As you are the common equation in each relationship you have ever been in, it might be time to look deeper at what you can be responsible for.</div>
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Till next time</div>
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Lots of hugs</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-31888844343891318102014-12-12T10:30:00.000+00:002014-12-12T10:30:02.701+00:00The importance of focusing on yourself during a break up<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Learning how to move on from a break up can be tough. If it wasn't your choice, or perhaps it happened in a painful way, it's tempting to dwell on your ex and what they are doing. But this is damaging. It stops your emotional healing and prevents you from moving on. However, change can only happen if your make a conscious decision to focus on yourself, and take some practical steps towards changing your mindset.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">First things first</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></b></div>
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Set your alarm ten minutes early, and give yourself a talking to before you get out of bed. Sally describes how she did these in the early stages of her divorce:</div>
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<strong><span data-mce-style="color: #800080;" style="color: purple;"><em>'I knew if I chose to stay in bed even once, I would crumble completely. So each morning I spent a few minutes telling myself was strong and I could cope. This made all the difference to how I approached my day.' </em></span></strong></div>
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Make a conscious decision that today you will focus on yourself, not on your ex.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Plan some treats</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Bitstream Charter, Times, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Focusing on yourself takes planning. By planning lovely things, you can focus on those when you find yourself starting to dwell on your ex. Sit down and plan daily, weekly, and monthly treats in advance, and perhaps even a big treat for next year. Daily treats could be a scented bath or a cycle ride . Each week arrange to meet friends e.g. enjoy a meal together or shoot some hoops (but remember, talking about your ex is off limits!). Monthly treats could be a theater visit or a camping trip. And maybe book a holiday to somewhere you have always dreamed of visiting.</span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Channel your hero</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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Think of someone strong and self-confident – this could be a real person, or a fictional character or movie hero. Now imagine you are that person for a day. Whatever happens that day, tackle it as that person. Act strong and confident, and in time you will feel strong and confident. Consider your posture; walking tall and purposefully will give you a boost. Smile often, even if you don't feel like it. Smiling releases endorphin lowers blood pressure and boosts your immune system. Become the person you want to be.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Focus on the new you</span></h2>
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Becoming newly independent is a fantastic opportunity to reinvent yourself. What have you always wanted to do but never been able to, perhaps because your ex held you back? Find a more creative job? Take a study course, but knew it would take too much time away from your ex? Well now is your chance so grasp it with both hands. There will never be a better time.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Practice mind control</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></b></div>
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It takes effort to refocus your mind. The old adage says if you try NOT to think about a green monkey, all you will think about is a green monkey. So practise mind control. Imagine each thought about your ex is like a fish – every time one swims into your mind, scoop it back in the sea. Deliberately think about one of your treats or new goals instead. If your mind wanders, don't beat yourself up. Give yourself a shake and start again.</div>
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Change doesn't happen overnight, but little by little you will find you are moving ahead and leaving your ex behind. If you get stuck, you know where we are :)</div>
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Till next time</div>
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Lots of hugs</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-83953776643649444092014-12-11T17:13:00.000+00:002014-12-11T17:13:15.617+00:00Today is our birthday!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Today <a href="http://www.nakeddivorce.com/" style="border: 0px; color: #aa5945; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 1px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank" title="NakedDivorce">Nakeddivorce EmotionalFreedom</a> is 3 years old! <br />The idea was born in February 2011 and by the 11th December 2011 I had my first sale. I never thought that when I developed the program that it would ever be used by anyone other than me. Since then we have a team which is slowly growing and over 740 people which have completed the 21-day program either with our homestudy kits, Divorce Angels or books. The next phase is about launching our online platform in 2015 which we are working very hard on right now. Everything happens so much slower than I wanted but we have had pre-sales on the program already and we feel very optimistic about it. Then it is onto building the other trauma recovery programs within the Naked Recovery platform which we have also been working on as well as training up the new Angels.<br />If anyone had ever told me how long this would take or how much work it would be, I would probably have run away but every day I feel very privileged that we get to walk with people through one of the darkest times of their lives back into possibility and lightness. I feel immensely thankful to everyone who trusted us to do the program with us. Especially the people right at the very beginning who helped us make it into what it is today.<br />Thank you for being who you are.</div>
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xxx</div>
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Adele</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-27045958950512654872014-12-10T10:30:00.000+00:002014-12-10T10:30:00.143+00:00Sick of Suffering for Others? Stop Being a Martyr!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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How can you give so much but feel so empty and angry?</div>
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Because if you’re a martyr, you’re selfish and you’re <i>not giving freely</i>.</div>
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You tell others you are, but you’re not. And because of this you’re suffering in silence… and causing it all <i>yourself</i>.</div>
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The motivation of a martyr is to sacrifice themselves for someone else or for a cause – in their relationship, family, friends, work, a cause, or <i>any</i> area of life.</div>
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They give give give to feel like a good person. And they tell others they give freely.</div>
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<b>But that is a <i>lie</i></b></h2>
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They don’t give freely. They expect something in return and when they don’t get this thing in return they feel empty, tired and angry.</div>
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And they don’t let out the anger – because they’re “giving freely” and shouldn’t expect anything in return, right? – So of course it comes out as passive aggression.</div>
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Does any of this sound uncomfortably familiar? I see it so often. And if you’re a little bit of a martyr (or maybe a lot) I’ve got some good news for you. You can turn the whole pattern round and let go of the disappointed expectations, anger, tiredness and passive aggression for good. Starting TODAY.</div>
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<b>Time to Take Your Power Back</b></h2>
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Here’s the key to getting over being a martyr. Remember YOU chose that behaviour. YOU chose to ‘give’. YOU chose to sacrifice yourself. YOU chose it. No one else.</div>
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And you forgot that you chose it and now you’re upset when you get nothing in return.</div>
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The moment you realise that you chose to sacrifice yourself for someone else, or for a cause, or for your work then you can also choose to stop doing it and take your power back. And you can do it NOW.</div>
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Firstly, you have to accept that some beliefs you’ve been living with for years – perhaps your whole life – are just plain wrong. And that can be tough. For example;</div>
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<b>Suffering is <i>Not</i> Always Rewarded</b></h2>
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Start analyzing exactly what you think to gain every time you sacrifice yourself for someone else. Do you hope to gain respect, a feeling of value, nobility? Or a return favour?</div>
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Or does a sneaky feeling of unidentifiable guilt lie behind it? Or undeservedness? Are you trying to prove yourself a good person to yourself, or your parents, or your concept of God?</div>
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Remember, all the happiness and richness you can get out of life will not come from someone else, it will come from YOU. By going out and getting it.</div>
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Suffering does not lead to joy. If you’re in doubt of this, just think back to when you were young. How easy does a child find it to be happy – <i>without</i> suffering for others. Imagine a child sacrificing everything they want to other children just in the hope the other kids will pay them back and make them happy somehow one day. It’s ridiculous!</div>
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<b>Martyrs Are Actually Extremely Selfish</b></h2>
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When someone gives a compliment spontaneously and sincerely they’re doing a lovely thing for the other person. When they give a compliment just because they’re fishing for one themselves, well that’s just unpleasant, needy and selfish. Don’t you think?</div>
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It’s the same with any sacrifice where you secretly expect something in return. When you give something to someone purely 100% to help them in that moment it’s a lovely gesture for both parties. But when you want something in return, well, you should make sure you say that clearly, because;</div>
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<b>Mind-Readers Don’t Exist!</b></h2>
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No one can read your mind, and no one knows of these secret deals you’re setting up with them when you sacrifice yourself for them. No one knows of these unfulfilled obligations building up over time the more you “give give give.”</div>
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And if they did know that everything you were “giving” came with a debt, they probably wouldn’t accept your sacrifice!</div>
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<b>Your Action Plan – Quit Martyrdom and Become <i>Selfless</i> Once More</b></h2>
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Firstly, examining your beliefs. And be brutally honest with yourself.</div>
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And start setting boundaries and enforcing them with a steel hand;</div>
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<b>When you want to say ‘No’… SAY ‘NO’</b></h2>
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Don’t be afraid to change the way you act, and the way others will see you. When you start saying ‘No’ others will respect you more, trust me. And when your passive aggression towards them disappears, they’ll love it as much as you do.</div>
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And of course, take responsibility for everything in your life. You caused it all. When you accept this, it’s a wonderfully empowering feeling.</div>
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Tell me what you think about Martyrs. Are YOU secretly one?</div>
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Do share, I want to hear it!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-42132789368938598192013-09-21T22:54:00.001+01:002013-09-21T22:54:43.305+01:00The danger of suppression: Don’t bottle up your emotions<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Any serious scientist will be familiar with the assertion that stress causes immuno-compromise. A recent study by researchers at Harvard School of Public Health has finally put this long-held knowledge into perspective, deciphering that those who bottle up their feelings have a cardiovascular disease risk of 140 per cent and a risk of cancer of 170 per cent when compared to individuals who share how they feel. Overall, the risk of premature death for those who keep their negative feelings to themselves is around 135 per cent that of individuals unafraid to speak their minds. When framed in this way, the dangers of suppressing emotions are hard to ignore, but how exactly does bottling up your emotions lead to real and tangible damage to the body? The article below will explore the molecular and physiological mechanisms behind this startling array of statistics, and provide some helpful tips to managing your rage, and keeping your body healthy!</div>
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Although the concrete mechanism linking bottled-up emotions and premature death has yet to be established, several sound scientific principles may be applied in order to elucidate some facts about the forces at work. Firstly, it is conceivable that those who feel that they must hide their emotions from others are more susceptible to seeking comfort in substance abuse such as alcohol addiction, cigarette smoking, or the use of other harmful drugs in order to relieve their stress. The use of these substances has several obvious and detrimental effects to health, and so needs no explanation here. The second suspected mechanism is slightly less direct in nature.</div>
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When the body is coping with a stress response, such as un-vented anger or pent-up rage, a hormone known as Cortisol is released. Cortisol is a hormone of critical importance to humans, but it also has some unwanted effects in individuals experiencing high levels of stress. Cortisol is a steroid hormone, specifically a glucocorticoid, meaning that it is capable of suppressing the immune system’s response to damage or invading pathogens. This unfortunate effect means that individuals who have a higher than normal stress level, and thus a raised Cortisol level, will have under-effective immune systems, not only opening the floodgates to any nasty bugs that may wish to make your body their home, but also preventing a complete response from being carried out towards invaders from within – cancer cells. Every day, the immune system destroys a cell that would otherwise have become cancerous, so it’s easy to see how quickly things can go wrong when this response is working below optimum levels.All is not lost, though. Studies have shown that releasing anger actually increases blood flow to those parts of the brain responsible for pleasure and reward, thus making taking out your frustration a ‘feel good’ experience. However, there are those of us for whom releasing anger at every turn can very quickly end both friendships and careers. </div>
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Perhaps a change in outlook is the answer? Conditioning your brain to be more optimistic about everyday situations and into overlooking the minor foibles of others can quite literally be a lifesaver. The statistics speak for themselves, and lend credence to the thought that optimistic people really do live longer than their pessimistic, stressed out counterparts.<div style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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Speaking of which, we are about to launch <a href="http://www.tantrumworld.com/" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #4c6397; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">www.tantrumworld.com</a> – a whole new approach to releasing your anger whilst becoming healthier. So, why not try to LET RIP whilst GETTING FIT?</div>
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Till next time</div>
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Lots of hugs,</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-48953794272342321762013-08-20T23:32:00.000+01:002013-08-20T23:32:00.395+01:00A rant about having sex with an ex whilst healing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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There is an article in the Daily Mail today entitled “Why ‘ex-sex’
CAN be a good idea: Sleeping with an old lover lessens psychological
distress of break-up… if you’re not over him” (You can read all about it
here: <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2384775/Why-ex-sex-CAN-good-idea-Sleeping-old-lover-does-lessen-psychological-distress-says-University-Arizona-research.html" target="_blank" title="Daily Mail">LINK</a>)
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Apparently research from the University of Arizona (published in the
Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology) found that divorced partners
who slip back into the marital bed find sex can actually lessen the pain
of the break-up.<br />
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<strong><em>No kidding…</em> </strong><br />
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We even have the UK sex expert Tracey Cox agreeing with this idea that sex with an ex can provide closure.<br />
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<strong><em>Seriously?</em></strong><br />
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“She said: ‘Sometimes we need to go back to move forward, and
revisiting the sexual side of the relationship can sometimes make us see
very clearly that we’ve idealised the relationship or feel much less
pain than we thought. So there’s a sense of closure that can be
helpful.’<br />
I know she is an expert, but I definitely don’t agree with this
concept at all. I have worked with hundreds of people and I can tell you
one thing: If you are hung up on your ex and you sleep with him or her –
it’s not called CLOSURE. There is another 7-letter word which is more
appropriate and that is called <em><strong>TORTURE</strong></em>.<br />
Sleeping with your ex whilst in the pain of processing your divorce
will open a can of worms/spiders/scorpians and all types of critters.
Those Z-listers from I AM A CELEBRITY GET ME OUTTA HERE would not even
be able to stand 30 seconds with the critters unleashed from that can of
worms. Confusion will reign. Time will pass. Future dating partners
will disappear. Your children will be confused. They will lose respect
for you. You will lose respect for yourself.<br />
Read these hashtags as if my lips were mouthing it:
#sexwithexleadstodisaster #sexwithexarmageddon #sexwithexnotworthit
#sexwithexcausespain<br />
I think Tracey recommending that we revisit our sexual partners from
the past to get closure must be talking about people who want to roll in
the hay with someone they feel nothing for where one last shot in the
dark concludes the whole relationship swiftly. But life is NEVER that
simple. Both parties rarely ever feel nothing for each other so sex
rarely leads to closure. Entire seminars have been dedicated to how
human beings confuse sex with intimacy and use sex to get closer to
people so why think that sex can lead to a severing with the ties?<br />
In many break ups and divorces where kids/houses/betrayals and issues
are involved, it can be very complex and not as simple as saying that
“partners who had not accepted the break up actually found their divorce
less painful whilst they were having sex with their ex.”<br />
OF COURSE THEY FOUND IT LESS PAINFUL.<br />
By sleeping with their ex, they “re-set” the roller-coaster of pain.
They delayed the inevitable and important process of grieving and
healing by artificially creating HOPE. Maybe one party discovered that
they no longer felt anything but rarely will both parties sleep
together, high five each other and declare that they are over each
other. This study concluded that by sleeping together and delaying the
inevitable pain, the pain was lessened overall??? Totally illogical.
Whoever came up with the hypothesis and this study did so in a fishtank
as there are so many errors of reasoning and co-morbidity factors at
play. I think someone needs a hypothesis-testing lesson. I have 3 years
of university stats behind me and I have never seen a study like this
one. Those journal dudes must have been sleeping when they let this
puppy in.<br />
Without being any more Facetious, I must state categorically that this study is ludicrous.<br />
Anyone advocating that you sleeping with an ex whilst healing can actually <em>help</em> you
to heal is doing the study in isolation and within a period of days if
not weeks. They are not doing their due diligence on the worst-case
scenarios which come months or years after or looking at the long-term
impact or at how long it takes the individuals to heal whilst bonking
their ghosts from Christmas past. By delaying the inevitable pain in
severing ties with your ex, retail therapy, alcoholic or drug benders,
dinners with mates, dates, working long hours or anything which is about
being ‘busy’ whilst dying inside and avoiding being alone — you have
fallen foul of the classic SHORT TERM EMOTION AVOIDANCE TACTICS. In
other words, you are valuing short term satisfaction over moving on and
over your values like pride, self respect and honouring yourself.<br />
Basically, find another way to double click your mouse. Your ex does not need to be the one to do it.<br />
<h1>
Sex with an ex can be psychologically very confusing and damaging!</h1>
I do know that sometimes partners will continue to sleep with each
other after a break up. The break up brings up really sad and awful
feelings and sometimes the sex is a way to break the loneliness and
maintain closeness with someone. Because you are less familiar with each
other, the sex can feel more passionate but it’s born out of a
neediness rather than a genuine commitment between two people to stay
together. Sometimes couples will ‘use’ each other in this way whilst
they are breaking up. This prolongs the inevitable, because the moment
either party meets someone new, the sexual relationship will end or
fizzle out and the pain will be too great to bare. I know some instances
where women continue to sleep with their ex even long after he has got
married to someone else and had new children.<br />
Personally and in my experience I recommend the clean break option.
It is truly the best for both parties and brings clear closure to the
relationship. It hurts and feels awful for a few weeks but you don’t
waste your life or your time hanging onto the old relationship.<br />
Also, I believe that women and men are more susceptible to have sex
with their ex during the ‘Panic/ Negotiation’ phase within The Naked
Divorce Grief Cycle as a way to get back together with their ex. The
major drawback is that one partner can have sex and it doesn’t need to
mean anything to them, whereas the wounded partner will make sex mean
all kinds of things and could wound up getting really hurt.<br />
Understand the phases you will go through after your divorce.
Understand your hormones and those angst-ridden feelings and where they
are coming from. The next time you feel compelled to contact your ex,
ask yourself a few questions:<br />
¤ Do you miss being with your ex or do you simply miss being in a couple?<br />
¤ What if your ex says yes and says ‘let’s give it another go’ – will
you be able to change what didn’t work with the relationship?<br />
¤ If you are leaving the outcome of your relationship with your ex and
very much in their hands – what do YOU want? Is this the person you want
to be with for the rest of your life? EVEN IF absolutely nothing
changed?<br />
¤ How does being single make you feel?<br />
If you are Struggling to get over your Ex or in Letting the
relationship go, find something like the Naked Divorce Program. Our
program has been designed to support you in getting over your
relationship and there are loads of exercises each day to support you in
making the break between yourself and your ex.<br />
<h1>
Some Communication Guidelines For the 1st Year</h1>
These guidelines are in place to support you in your healing within
the first year and in you developing your own interests and your own
life. If you feel you can have a friendship with your ex where you still
maintain your own life, then you choose which of these points below
support you in your new life.<br />
There is no right or wrong answer, you need to find the path that
works for you. Here are some principles behind the CLEAN BREAK approach
which is useful to adopt in the initial stages of healing. Once you have
healed, friendship can certainly be on the table…<br />
¤ Do not call your ex, e-mail your ex or visit unnecessarily to brag
about how great your life is, to tell them about a promotion, the death
of a relative, or a terrific trip you just took. Don’t try to make your
ex jealous or find excuses to engage with your ex because you are lonely
or curious or needy. Allow your ex to move on with his or her life, and
you do the same. It will be easier for your new partner to get involved
in an unencumbered relationship. Be graceful and accept it’s over and
focus your energy in new relationships or existing relationships with
relatives or friends<br />
¤ If you have a new partner, and you and your ex are friendly, you
may have dinner with your ex and your children. If your partner is
along, too, and your ex’s partner, if he or she has one, is included.
Never disparage your ex in front of your children. It is damaging to the
children<br />
¤ I recommend not inviting your ex to your wedding – There is no
reason for your ex to be there and many reasons for your ex not to be
there. Your attention should ALL be on your new spouse and his or her
family and friends. If your ex invites you to his or her wedding, kindly
decline and send a modest gift that doesn’t imply anything<br />
¤ Remove your ex from Facebook, Test Messaging and Social Media – at
least for a while. If you were hoping to keep tabs on your ex by
tracking his every online move or possible new dating adventures then
remove him from your social media networks. It’ll just make you wonder
who he/she is talking to (or obsess about those girls who keep posting
messages to him), and you don’t need that. Remove your ex’s page from
your favorites and look for a new friend or two to take his MySpace
place. If you have established your new life and feel there is a clear
boundary between the two of you which is healthy, feel free to
re-establish this contact<br />
¤ If you know that you might call or email your ex when you are
drunk, then write their contact details down safely in a book and delete
his/her number, email address and IM address from your mobile phone.
That way when you’re having a fragile moment at three A.M., you’re not
tempted to contact your ex as the repercussions the following day can be
both embarrassing and costly to your recovery. Again, once you are over
the relationship and have established your new life, feel free to add
his number back onto your phone<br />
¤ Limit in-person contact for a while – as there are just too many
emotions swirling around in your post-divorce head, I recommend not
seeing your ex in person for a while. If you see your ex too soon, you
run the risk of suffering potentially bad consequences, including waking
up beside him the next morning and realizing you just had sex with your
ex or even worse, getting arrested for assault and battery<br />
If you are torturing yourself and not moving on, you need help. TIME IS PRECIOUS and rather than prolonging the pain, do stuff.<br />
If you want to know more about what we do, call us. We are here to serve.<br />
<br />
Till next time<br />
<br />
Lots of hugs,<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6719705627378764018.post-9005748057091629232013-07-27T18:03:00.000+01:002013-08-04T18:03:54.865+01:00Revenge is never the answer!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #707070; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
For those who have not been following the trial of Chris Huhne (ex member of Parliament and Energy secretary in the UK) and his ex wife Vicky Pryce (a respected economist) over her claiming that she took his speeding points has been quite the drama to watch. In a nutshell:</div>
<ul style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #707070; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 1.5em 2.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">They were the power couple, seemingly happy and successful with her supporting him in his quest to climb the political ladder as it were</li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">He had an affair with his PR relations person for over 18 months</li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">He told Vicky about the affair quite callously then went off to the gym</li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">She lost it but rather than have a healthy outlet for her rage, she chose to get even and went to a journalist to report some speeding points she took for her husband more than 7 years ago so he could avoid a driving ban (this is obviously a crime, albeit not a serious one)</li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">He quit as an MP and vowed to defend himself in court stating that she was lying</li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">They went to court and he admitted guilt</li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">She then put up this big defence about how she was a victim in the situation and ‘he forced her to take the speeding points’.</li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The jury saw through her and she was found guilty of perverting the course of justice.</li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The judge stated that he found her manipulative and calculating</li>
<li style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">She could have avoided all this grief if she had just joined in a good old <a href="http://www.nakeddivorce.com/blog/revenge-is-never-the-answer/www.tantrumclub.com" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #735970; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">www.tantrumclub.com</a> session instead of this dramatic web she weaved!</li>
</ul>
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<a href="http://www.nakeddivorce.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/chris_vicky.jpg" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; color: #735970; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="chris_vicky" class="alignleft" height="232" src="http://www.nakeddivorce.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/chris_vicky.jpg" style="background-color: transparent; border: none; display: inline; float: left; margin: 0px 7px 2px 0px; max-width: 100%; outline: 0px; padding: 4px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="372" /></a>Yesterday they were both sentenced to 8 months in jail. Their careers are ruined and reputations are ruined.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #707070; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Although I do not condone what Huhne did, anyone who seriously thinks they want to get their own back on a cheating former spouse would do well to bear in mind this excellent advice: <strong style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“While seeking revenge, dig two graves – one for yourself.”</em></strong></div>
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Never has there been a more excruciating illustration of that maxim than Vicky Pryce.</div>
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Since the day she decided to whisper in a journalist’s ear that her husband, Chris Huhne, had made her take his speeding points in 2003 to save him from a driving ban, Pryce has not only been busy digging her own grave, she has thrown her whole family on to the funeral pyre in order to bring down the man she once loved.</div>
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Throughout the trial, she maintained she was pressured by Chris Huhne into taking his speeding points because she felt, by refusing, the consequences for her and her family were too great to contemplate. Ten years on those consequences have proved to be immeasurably worse.</div>
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During the two trials their family was ripped apart as they revealed details of two planned abortions, a painfully damaged father-and-son relationship and rants between them were openly disclosed for public scrutiny. A stepdaughter, brought up by the former energy secretary as his own, was additionally forced to testify to his bullying of her mother.</div>
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At the end, both Huhne and Pryce’s prized reputations and his glittering political career were comprehensively annihilated – by their own hands: ALL OVER THREE SPEEDING POINTS A DECADE AGO. Defies belief.</div>
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There is a moral to this story.</div>
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Although hell hath no fury as a woman scorned, there is no hero or heroine in succumbing to revenge because you feel hurt by what someone did. Today as they both sit in their prison cells – one in Wandsworth, the other in Holloway, both must be reflecting on how it had come to this.</div>
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So, if you are considering getting ‘even’ with someone who did something you are not happy with – hopefully you will think again. There is nothing that can come from vengeance. You will only hurt yourself in the process.</div>
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Till next time</div>
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Lots of hugs</div>
<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12101846894215805769noreply@blogger.com0