Rise of the DIY divorce…

Couples who are somewhat impoverished are causing court chaos by representing themselves in the midst of cutbacks.According to the Daily mail; the recession and upcoming cuts to legal aid are putting immense pressure on family courts as these couples increasingly represent themselves.

I will therefore write a little post of pure commentary on this issue as there are repercussions to the recession for sure!

Whilst reading this and the talk of immense pressure on the courts, it raised a flag of discomfort and pressure of the couples who are the ones forced to represent themselves without help. There is a new arbitration scheme where there is a process that allows couples a more informal legal setting allowing them to settle out of court by employing expensive specially trained lawyers. A system that will prevent a level of hazard, sure, but one that is very much in favor for the wealthy, and as it is not a common occurrence where money is an easy factor for all couples especially in the area of divorce, the pressure on the courts seems one that has been self influenced in my opinion.

Certain views of representing one’s self suggest that it’s less time-consuming if you represent yourself. The lawyer is the middle-man who gets paid in abundance to forward the legal documents between the customer and the court, charges you all your calls per minute, sends you a vast amount of unnecessary correspondence in order to rip you off etc. Some say it is less stressful, more straightforward and faster.

However… Several judges told The Law Society Gazette that cases where litigants represented themselves it took twice as long because they often needed help navigating the legal process. One said: ‘We are getting more and more people coming to court in private law cases without the benefit of sensible, structured legal advice, wanting to spill blood on the court carpet,

More and more people are requesting to push for a no-fault divorce, explaining that with the fault-based divorce system in action currently with blame apportioned, ‘it is a confrontational process which benefits no one’ as the certain prospects believe. But whether you believe DIY divorce is the way to go or not, earlier this month Sir Nicholas Wall, the most senior family judge in England and Wales, warned of ‘a substantial increase’ in the number of people who will be forced to represent themselves in court due to cuts in legal aid. This is not to mention the rise of do it yourself services like www.quickie-divorce.com,www.quickiedivorce.co.uk and www.divorcefast.com.

The question begs: can people represent themselves confidently and not recklessly? In the midst of an intensive breakup whilst being in a state of shock – how does one try to cope with the legal system with little or no help!?

However simple some make it out to be, it does not sound inviting…

At Naked Divorce, we have some great contacts with lawyers and have vouchers for 1 hour consultations to consider all your options. Many lawyers today do fixed fee divorces and meditation is a low-cost effective option too. So before you run off trying to do it on your own – seek help today…

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

You cannot solve a problem with the same thinking that got you there…

Ever been stuck in a situation or a problem but not known how to get out of it?  Life throws us lots of different hurdles and hiccups along the way and people disappoint us and we disappoint ourselves. But our biggest mistake is not when we first make that mistake, because our past can determine who we are today. That can be what makes us grow into our true characters and help us find and define our strength. But the biggest mistake I believe we can make is our failure to learn from them and our failure to let go of the past.

Too many people get swallowed by their problems because they never learnt how to move on. Or perhaps they never wanted to. It is easy to not want the problems but never want to deal with them either. But that becomes a vicious circle that has no end unless you choose to step up and make a change. One of the most if not the very most important factors in moving on and finding a new spark isyour thoughts. Your view, your perspective and your mindset it is the key to bringing change.

As Albert Einstein stated–

“You cannot solve a problem with the same thinking that created the problem.”

When it comes to Divorce or a situation of breakup or any kind of trauma, moving on can be words that pierce your heart, that seems unimaginable and you cannot see to be possible. Being “positive” is laughable because you can’t find one reason to be positive But even when you feel like you don’t have an ounce of strength in you, that is exactly when your strength is being refined to being stronger than before, not to be bitter but to be stronger and to move on in the correct and healthy ways. The truth is there are always things to be positive about, whether big or small positivity can be found but to be foundit must first have someone looking for it, wanting to find it.

A shift in your mindset can take leaps and bounds. Sometimes you need to take a step back or even completely remove yourself from the situation you’re in, In order to see it in a different way. Sometimes we get so caught up in our situations that we can’t see out or any other possible way of viewing it because sometimes we haven’t tried.  Or sometimes we have just been in such a place for so long that we’ve become stagnant and our optimism and creativity is dormant. This happens to so many people in all different situations in life but it’s a dangerous place to stay. If you don’t challenge yourself to find a way out of your thinking you will never see the amazing opportunities and next adventures that sit and wait for you when you do.

TO CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS WILL BRING LIFE CHANGING RESULTS

If a way of thinking has not been working for you then that’s a great indication to explore a new way of thinking, Create space for yourself, step back and allow yourself to see the bigger picture, allow yourself to see positivity because if you do you will most surely find it. What we put our focus on is what we will see. So instead of focusing on the problem focus on what you can get out of it and what opportunity it may be giving you to grow and find a new start.

A Fantastic quote by Eckhart Tolle states, If you put your thoughts on what always has been – whatever has been will always show up in your life.

So Instead put your thoughts and your focus on the future, on good things, and begin to search for the positives because there is no excuse for not finding them. Traumatic times will come in those times we need to nurture our hearts and allow room to heal but when it’s time to move on you need to get up and look for the new positives, there are plenty out there waiting for you to just turn your shoulder to it.

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

THE TANTRUM CLUB – how throwing a tantrum is just exactly what a woman needs

Adele Theron will be holding a free talk entitled 'THE TANTRUM CLUB – how throwing a tantrum is just exactly what a woman needs' on the Activia Expert Stage on Sunday 30th September at 12pm.

THE TANTRUM CLUB – how throwing a tantrum is just exactly what a woman needs

"I will transform the speaking area into an interactive environment (with bean bags/ bats etc) for people to totally go crazy and throw a tantrum

· Emotional Intelligence and why it's killing us women in today's society

· Find out why throwing a tantrum is healthy and healing

· Expression of emotion is the key to vitality

· Put on some goggles, take hold of a baseball bat and allow yourself to let rip and throw a tantrum with a big group of ladies

· Toss out suppression and bring in expression"

For more information visit www.nakeddivorce.com


TICKETS:
You can can purchase your ticket for £6, saving 25% * Quote TANTRUM when booking atwww.VitalityLive.co.uk
*Saving based on door price. Booking and transaction fees apply. 

Location: 

Vitality Boutique, Bluewater, Greenhithe, Kent, DA9 9SG, United Kingdom

Instant Gratification BUT what IS best for me? PART II

As human beings we can tend to become fascinated by ourselves and our stories and can allow ourselves to become too self-indulgent and it can be destructive. As long as we recognise the vision of where we want and need to be and what it takes to get there, the time that you determine it to take is essentially up to you.

But first consider that Instant gratification may be more helpful and suited to you then you realise. Instant gratification does not mean instantly healed. Because we all know emotional pain takes hard work to overcome and it will takesome time. But it instead means instant heal–ING, where automatically healing starts to take place and instant rewards begin to reap, when you pull all your focus intensely to healing without anything else in your way.

Renowned UK psychotherapist Nea Clark (http://www.balancedbusinessladies.com/) says “there is no need to indulge your feelings over a long period of time. Time doesn’t heal them. Better to do a program like the Naked Divorce and focus intensively on healing within a defined period of time. It’s healthier for your mind but also for your body.”

Independent surveys conducted by the stress society of the United Kingdom have also shown that those who take a very proactive approach to healing lead happier lives.

We all want to lead happy lives, some will fight harder for it than others but whether you want instant gratification or long term strategy sounds more inviting to you, the same principles apply in needing to confront your emotions and take actions.

Different people have different tolerances and obviously different personalities. Some will have more patience for Therapy and “healing process’s” than others will.

Some people may have terrible patience in traffic, but waiting patiently for something that they know will be worthwhile comes naturally to them. Others on the other hand may be completely calm in traffic yet not want to take any time other than urgently necessary waiting for healing to happen. But in popular agreeance we all want to detract from the pain. We all have a story to tell and if admitted or not, we want to be heard and understood.

Complacency and sacrifice is a poisonous combination when applied to your well-being in the process of a Divorce. We aren’t here to simply survive, but to thrive. Surviving through life is no way to live, settling and accepting thorns in your flesh is no intelligent approach to your situation of any break up. You deserve more and you owe it to yourself to be stop being complacent and to fight for gratification. I’m not talking about revenge and fighting your ex but fighting for your dignity and integrity back. Becoming confident and finding strength again through taking action and overcoming what heartbreaks life has thrown your way.

Therapists, friends, colleagues and even family may tell you it will take a long time to heal. People are just people and when the phrase “TIME heals all wounds” is constantly drilled into our skulls it’s sometimes difficult to imagine other possibilities. When people have experienced a long term way of healing they will perhaps try to prepare you for what they experienced, but everyone is different and I believe that anyone if you put your mind to it and combined with the Right support and direction, you can heal in a more rapid time than you ever expected.

All in all, find what’s best for you and start your new steps forward. Try the naked divorce programme – which has been specially designed to help you along your way!

Till next time

Lots of hugs

Instant Gratification vs. a Long term Strategy… what’s best? PART I

Instant rewards and instant healing has a much nicer ring to it, then the words combined; LONG – TERM. However if waiting that particular extended time will further HELP in the long run it stirs the question if waiting is more worthwhile. But how do you determine what works best for you?
When associating this with Divorce, 99% of People want to get out of their pain as soon as they possibly can and get on with their life. They want any existing void or despair that has crept into their heart to be removed. But removing pain and despair is not connected to AVOIDING it.

It is so important to guard yourself against hiding behind different issues, for example, your work, your children or other people’s problem’s as an excuse for not facing your own. This will result in not healing from your divorce. Diversion and keeping yourself busy with other things will not help you in any way it will only further multiply the time it will take to heal.

Deflecting never brings satisfaction. Your issues may have been avoided for a time but all the while they will bubble under the surface until eventually they boil over the top and burn more than it ever should have if you had first confronted the issues.
Therapy and traditional healing practices have based their disciplines on the premise that you need time to heal.

“Long term strategy” The concept of needing time to heal is consequently so ingrained in our society that challenging this notion is usually met with an extraordinary amount of resistance and in some cases even anger or dismissal. The thought of healing quickly feels fake, shallow or unbelievable and could be misconstrued as a trivialization of the healing process.
This is an understandable reaction, especially from people who have experienced such dramatic heartache and taken an extraordinary time to heal in those circumstances, but it raises my question or perhaps my opinion that it doesn’t NEED to take a LONG time to emotionally heal, not if the problem is faced correctly and strategically. As I have said before I do not believe TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS… Time simply passes by, it’s what we do with our lives while the time is passing that either helps us, heals us or locks us in our past.

What happens with a lot of people when they take time to heal is they become complacent, resigned and in reality… lazy. Over time the urgency to take action dissipates. And people can become desensitized to their situation and tend to “settle” for certain ways or habits, and tolerate more than they should or ever would have if they had first taken action pro actively. Because if you live with something for so long, you can become “used to it” and no longer feel the urgency to take any action because you know you can withstand it as you’ve proved so far, so why change it now, why bother?
This kind of desensitized attitude is the danger in a long term strategy, it is not an accurate way in overcoming and dealing with that heartache you long to defeat.

However A long term strategy if correctly dealt with, does not need to be a negative thing. If you are making movement towards healing and dealing with your emotions but simply taking an extended time to do so, each to his own, and more power to you for knowing what works for you.
You just need to make sure that if you like taking your time to heal that it is not just an excuse for lingering in your self-pity. It is necessary to grieve and allow yourself to heal by all means! In fact it is vital that you do, but it is essential you ensure that it is just a selected time and not elongated, therefore distracting you from your need to move on.

Stay tuned for PART II…

Till next time!
Lots of hugs

NO FAULT DIVORCE – what does this mean to us?

The UK laws of divorce have not been reformed since their introduction in 1969. However there was a move and introduction to No – Fault Divorce shortly after 1970.

No-fault divorce is a divorce in which the dissolution of a marriage does not require a showing of wrong-doing by either party. Laws providing for no-fault divorce allow a family court or other court to grant a divorce in response to a petition by either party to the marriage, without requiring the petitioner to provide evidence that the respondent has committed a breach of the marital contract. Laws providing for no-fault divorce also often limit the potential legal defenses of a respondent who would prefer to remain married.

At present, couples can be legally parted within six months if one party is shown to be at fault.  The most common grounds are unreasonable behavior, which can include committing adultery or devoting too much time to one’s career.  However, more and more valid reasons are now beginning to diminish through No-fault divorces. One case consists of a Judge ruling against a woman who argued at the Court of Appeal that her husband shouldn’t have been allowed to divorce her over ‘trivial’ matters. She did not want the divorce and wanted to fight for her marriage but it was ruled against her. She is one of many.

No-fault laws take away the need to find fault. No-fault divorce law gives either party the freedom to file for divorce with only the claim of “irreconcilable differences.”

Jill Kirby, who writes about family life, said: ‘The less the courts consider fault in divorce, the greater the sense of injustice felt by the spouse who thinks he or she was not to blame. ‘If one partner abandons the other, that should be taken into account .When it comes to dividing possessions, it is extraordinary that no account is taken of adultery or other fault.’

Owen Bowcott, legal affairs correspondent guardian.com, tends to take a different view. Owen states, In the 19th century and for much of the 20th, divorce was a matter of social status – it mattered whether you were divorced or not, and if you were, it was important to demonstrate that you were the ‘innocent’ party.  But Society has moved away from viewing divorce as shameful, removing the need for one partner to be deemed “innocent” to keep their social status, he said. “I am a strong believer in marriage. But I see no good arguments against no-fault divorce.”

There are certain examples with positive and negatives to a no-fault divorce. Positives such as

(According to Cathy Meyer, About.com Guide)

-       States in America that have adopted the no- divorce law have seen a decline in the rates of domestic violence. These laws have been said to empower a man or woman in an abusive marriage and make it easier to leave.

-      And it Shortens the length of time it takes to obtain a divorce, which, in turn, shortens the amount of time in a stressful situation. etc

However in a negative example,

-      Taking away control from a spouse that is objective towards the Divorce

-      No – fault divorce has given more power to Family Court Judges in deciding issues such as custody, splitting marital assets and spousal support. When there is no one at fault, A judge’s decisions are based on his feelings and feelings are not always objective.

-      Where once the Family Court Systems allegiance was with the institution of marriage, it is now with the institution of divorce. Family Courts used to put effort into protecting the sanctity of marriage. Now the main concern is to make divorce quick and easy and get it off the docket.

It is disturbing to see how The Family Court system has now completely flipped its allegiance simply because they were tired of dealing with feuding couples. Highlighting the word ‘FAMILY’ in their name shows strong contradiction in that now what they are supporting is the exact opposite of the word.

When Divorce laws originated grounds for the divorce had to be established.  But now if one party of the marriage wants out despite the feeling of the other party it is permitted.

(According to Cathy Meyer, About.com Guide)

A few states In America such as Louisiana, Arkansas and Arizona have now passed laws that give couples the option to choose, before they marry, which laws they would want to apply to their divorceshould the marriage end. They can choose between “covenant marriage” or the no-fault option. In covenant marriage, couples agree to pre-marital counseling and to limit the grounds and options should they decide to divorce.

Reading this, in my opinion, describes to me a loss of value in the vows and promises that are made to each other on the day of marriage, therefore a loss of value in marriage itself.

Family Court Judge Randall Hekman said, “It is easier to divorce my wife of 26 years than to fire someone I hired one week ago. The person I hire has more legal clout than my wife of 26 years. That’s wrong.”

If the value of marriage has lessened then more and more spouses are not bothered by the difficulty in divorce, therefore unfortunately no longer willing to invest as much time and energy into saving their marriage.

NO FAULT DIVORCE, so what does this mean to us? There are many angles in which the opinions of no fault divorce can be looked.  Depending on which side of the divorce a person is standing will determine the opinion. Another important question we should perhaps be asking is what does MARRIAGE mean to us?

So; Is No Fault divorce allowing relief in the stressful situation of divorce? Or is it encouraging a lack of need to fight for marriages? Either way Marriage is not something that should be entered into without the utmost care and intention to abide by the promises that are made on the day one says ‘I do.’

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

“I’M NOT READY YET” The Price for Suffering

“I’m not ready” A very common phrase we ALL use.

A case of: Not being prepared for what one is about to do or experience;

Not equipped or supplied with what is needed for some act or event,

Not prepared for immediate movement or action.

What can be debated is; whether being “Ready” is a fact of circumstance or whether it is a Mindset. I believe it is both. In a circumstance where we are aware of what is coming, it gives us a warning to prepare and choose whether or not to make ourselves ready for when that predicted situation or time comes.

In a scenario of an assignment due, if I am pro active and work on and complete this assignment shortly after it is handed to me, I can have the work handed in exactly when it is needed, avoiding the feeling of being stressed and resenting myself for not taking action sooner. Doing a rushed job, when I know I could have done better. BUT if I do however, delay the work that is required of me and push it aside to do things I enjoy or are a release when I feel it necessarily, rather than sticking it out and flourishing in the long run, I will by my OWN ACCORD put the stress on myself and when the day comes of handing in my assignment and showing my progress, I will most likely regret my action and NOT be ready. But not being “Ready” in this situation is completely determined by my actions or lack of.

In relation to Divorce, It can either be thrown at you without warning OR in other cases you have expected its arrival for quite some time. But in the same way, our response and choice of mindset is VITAL for what determines the final outcome.

Taking steps to Heal: A love/hate relationship. We select and Love the meaning of the word “HEAL” but resent the words “STEPS to getting there.” We just wish it could happen without the hard and painful work first. But unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.

Here is an excerpt from the book “Naked Divorce for Women”

“Healing is an active process, and processing all the feelings and emotions associated with your divorce is essential to getting over it. Divorce acts like a cut and if you don’t dress the wound and work on the healing it will end up with a lot of scar tissue, which will leave a lasting imprint of your life.”

It is essential to take action through a painful process. Feeling ready should never be a consideration. We may never feel ready. If we only do the things we are ready for, we would only ever do the things we already know how to do. We would never learn new things, never grow or evolve.  How else would we have learnt how to walk? To read, take up a hobby, or raise children. We become ready by trying things and failing at them and keep trying until we succeed. You don’t become ready to do anything by hesitating and waiting.

So is THE PRICE OF SUFFERING a situationthat life unfairly throws on us? Or is it the price we pay by never accepting and moving on from what Life throws at us?  Next time you use the phrase:

“I’m not ready” ask yourself if that’s the real truth, or if what you’re really saying is “I’m too afraid”

You will only feel ready to ride a bike after you have been riding it long enough that you aren’t afraid that you will fall and get hurt. Being afraid to fall is not a crime. It’s how you handle the falland how quickly you get back up.  SUFFERING doesn’t have to be completely negative. It is in the suffering that we can grow the most and open ourselves up to opportunities we never sort possible if we hadn’t first learn how to take action against pain.

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

War of the Roses

The War of the Roses was a civil war in England. Where the thirty years of warfare were even more destructive to England than the Hundred Years war had been in the previous century.

With the Petty disputes that occur between partners throughout a Divorce these days it seems necessary to title this article with such a name.

Research by Manchester law firm (Pannone) revealed to find that one in five divorces feature rows over similarly inexpensive possessions. When a couple divorce, there are bound to be complications or disagreements regarding the house and car, children, and so on, that is expected, but arguments over kitchen supplies and even food seems highly unnecessary and just plain ridiculous.

According to James Tozer (Mail Online) a client of a divorce lawyer asked for help to win custody of delicacies her ex-husband had taken from the kitchen of the marital home. A Particular Frying pan was a common bone of contention. There was even specific instruction by a client to her lawyer to write to her former spouse to return some smoked salmon and expensive mustard he had taken out of the freezer, The Lawyer explained that the legal fees in pursuing this would buy her a lot of smoked salmon, but she was adamant they pressed ahead anyway.

Reading this is just shocking to see what outrageous demands people make. If a small possession had a personal value to you there is understanding in that but in most of these cases it seems some couples fight simply for the sake of fighting, if in the process of Divorce you are unable to agree upon the division of small and personal assets, the court will then make the decision. An appointed person is called in to value the assets. The fee for hiring this person is usually quite substantial and in some cases is actually greater than the value of the items being valued.

So The War that goes on between a lot of couples these days stirs the question of where the argument stems from. Is it because of the desperate need for specific items? Where the amount spent on legal costs arguing about these items can be many times more than the value of the possession itself. Or is it rather to prove a point to their ex-spouses? Seems to me the only person who is going to win in this situation is the lawyer with a large amount of money…

Either which way, the movie, The War of the Roses really drives home what can happen when you focus on destroying another person in the quest to prove a point or be right. My tip for anyone going through this life change is decide from the outset WHO YOU WANT TO BE during the process and stick to that. Don’t get entangled in any sling matches or stoop to levels beneath you. Becoming THAT PERSON WHICH SEEKS REVENGE is something which you will forever regret… If you don’t believe me, check out the trailer for a little summary of the film…

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

Some AWESOME dating tip audios from my friend Candy Janetta!

I would like to introduce you to a friend of mine who helps people find their perfect match after divorce.

She is a relationship coach and author of ‘How to meet your perfect match’. Her name is Candy Janetta.

She is happily married and helped hundreds of single people to get the relationships they want. You can find out more about Candy here: www.howtomeetyourperfectmatch.com

She has kindly allowed me to share some great content she recorded some time ago, which I think you will LOVE. If you like it, tell Candy, she would be chuffed.

The 3 Reasons people are not successful at dating

Highlighting different traits between men and women in relationships

How to Identify the relationship you want

How to Identify the relationship you want

The 6 things to overcome before successful dating

The 6 things to overcome before successful dating

The Do’s and Don’t of online dating

Getting your online profile just right

The art of flirting

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

Your divorce: Are you an Eeyore or a Tigger?

I remember my first Pooh bear book when I was a kid. I loved it to death and pawed at the pages on a daily basis. I was so in love with the characters that when it came time to find ways to earn money for my school as a debutante, I even wrote and directed a play which starred almost my whole school when I was 16. Those were the days…

If you have never read A.A. Milne’s classic tales of a bear and friends – allow me to enlighten you.

Tigger

Tigger is the overly excitable, wildly bouncy tiger who is always bouncing around the enchanted forest. His attempts at spreading sheer joy to all those around him is infectious – even if he bowls everyone over like a bull in a china shop. He spread joy and gave energy to everyone. His most endearing quality (other than his cute listhp) was his knack of referring to himself in the 3rd person. Classic lines from tales of Pooh included:

• …because “bouncin’ that’s what Tiggers do!”)
• Woohoo hooo hooo hooo hooo!?
• TTFF – Ta ta For Now
• And then there was his little song:

The wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is Tiggers are wonderful things
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is I'm the only one

Eeyore

Eeyore on the other hand is a somber donkey.  Oh everything bad happens to this donkey as even his tail is held on by a button. Gloom and doom, and he is known for saying in the saddest tone “Thanks for noticin’ me”.  His energy is vibrating pretty low and the outlook is bleak to status quo at best.  He is the antithesis of personal empowerment. Eeyore has very little expectations from his friends and therefore wherever there is an occasion where his friends gather around his to help him, his thoughts of receiving the worst are dismissed and he has a feeling of being grateful to them. Eeyore’s biggest problem is when his tail falls off and that happens frequently (he has lost it many times).

Although always sad, he has very cute endearing qualities. So there is alot of compassion inside him. This is shown when Eeyore is able to grow a plant which Rabbit, a much respected gardener is unable to grow. Eeyore achieves this by giving the plant some of his love. His most famous quotes included:-

• Thanks for noticing me
• If it is a good morning
• It’s not much of a tail
• Most likely lose it again
• Days, weeks, months, who knows
• It works. Didn’t expect it to

The choice…

We all go through times in our lives when we become Eeyore. With anxiety we spend our time and energy fruitlessly by worrying about things we have no control over, things that are not real, etc… The thing to notice is that it’s kind of self-perpetuating. The more you believe nothing good will ever happen and it’s all gloom and doom – the more you will attract those things into your life. You need to switch your focus and be grateful. Grateful that there is nothing really wrong with you. Grateful for having another day on this earth. Grateful for all the people and things in your life.

Our thoughts are one of the few things truly within our control. Even if it is challenging to completely control what comes to mind, we can certainly learn to control the thoughts that stay in our minds, the thoughts we focus on, dwell on. Thoughts create world paradigms, impact our energies, and drive our actions. Even if you had a bit of Eeyore in you in the past, the past need not be the future and your tendency does not have to be your destiny. Even if a negative thing is true, does it serve you to focus on it? Even if a negative thing is true, odds are there are many positive things that also are true or could become true about a person or situation and your thoughts and energies may better serve you focused on the solution rather than the problem.

The key to becoming a Tigger

The principles of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy talk about Behavioural Actualisation – i.e. stop sitting around moping and get moving – take action and do stuff to pull yourself OUT of the abyss of gloom. Once you sink into the abyss of doom, it’s hard to get out.

As this youtube video from The NeverEnding Story, once you get stuck in the abyss, it could be deadly…

The Naked Divorce is a great programme for getting over a divorce and pulling yourself out of that doom and gloom.

• It has a structure with a defined beginning, middle and end
• You focus on the end goal
• You have a programme to follow and starting taking actions towards changing your behaviour today
• You have all the support you need

So, it’s up to you. No need to be an Eeyore in the situation you find yourself in. I will paraphrase a line from Morgan Freeman’s character Red in the Shawshank Redemption “Get busy healing, or get busy dying”

Till next time!

Lots of hugs