Are You a Closet Bunny Boiler?

Be honest, do you sometimes plan or even carry out rage-fueled revenge plots like in the movie Gone Girl? Or worse, when you watched Glenn Close boil Michael Douglas’s bunny, did you secretly nod in sympathy?

Find out right now for sure if you’re a closet bunny boiler, take our free quiz:

The ‘How Messed Up Am I?’ Quiz

If you let anger sweep you away when you feel wronged – then this post is for you.

Symptoms of a bunny boiler

Physically, you feel a fiery burning in your chest, and a compulsion to scream and shout. You are fidgety, needing to move, grinding your jaw and clenching your fists, maybe unconsciously. You might feel a tightness in your throat and chest. Nothing pleasant going on there!

You feel a sense of betrayal. By the individual or by life. You feel like the wronged victim and constantly think or say things like ‘it’s not fair! Why is this happening to me? Why me? How could you!?’

You know the whole world has suddenly turned against you!

When enough is enough

Anger is actually an important emotional response to a break up or divorce. Anger is your body letting out and releasing your upset and disappointed expectations. Dealing with future hopes and dreams suddenly changing.

But as we all know, anger is super-destructive. In the heat of the moment you can easily say things that further damage and destroy things you have nurtured and built for so long.

Breathe… don’t say it!

The very first thing to do is watch what you say. Find a way to at least postpone it. Avoid dramatic confrontations when you are in the middle of your anger, as tempting as they might be.

Instead wait. Find a healthy way to communicate what needs to be communicated later on.

At the same time, find a way to express your anger. If you keep it all bottled up inside, you might end up expressing it in passive aggressive ways in all areas of your life.

And no one wants to be that person.

So find a way to release that angry energy. Talk to a friend, join www.tantrumclub.com, take up boxercise. Whatever helps. And realize the truth that the anger will pass.

Don’t numb it with alcohol or ignore it. Don’t resist it. Let it run its course. Observe the physical sensations in your body, thinks ‘where am I feeling this in my body?’ Then imagine a soothing light and feeling calming that fieriness.

Most importantly, control the way you think about it. Because no matter how you might feel you dohave control. The moment you decide to take on this empowering perspective, you will start to recover.

You’re not a victim and you never will be

Most anger is rooted in a feeling of weakness, victimhood, betrayal. Resist the voice telling you to turn it out on other people. Instead take responsibility for it. OWN it.

You created this anger. You alone. No one else has control over you. You have 100% control over your life and your emotions. You created the anger. You can also end it. And you WILL.

Keep your heart open to other people. It might sound tough in those heated moments, but try to feel the anger while keeping your heart open, while feeling love towards others.

And don’t worry, being a bunny boiler isn’t a permanent condition!

Learn lot more about handling anger and reclaiming your emotions. Take our ‘How Messed Up Am I?’ Quiz here and find out if you’re:

• Angry Bunny Boiler
• In Denial & Keeping Up Appearances
• Cling-On Crazy
• Dazed Zombie
• Deep Grieving
• ‘MEH’

After the quiz you’ll get a free PDF report on exactly which personality type you are and how to deal with it in a healthy, wholesome way to be at peace and happy once more.

Tell us what you think about the quiz!

Adele

Flying off the handle ladies? We have just the thing for you this Xmas!

Christmas cards sent? Check. All the presents bought? Check. School nativity attended? Check. Congratulations. Now you only have to wrap and deliver all your presents, do the food shopping, finish putting up the decorations and cook a perfect meal for 12 people on Christmas Day. Is it any wonder that occasionally things don’t go to plan and we can end up feeling volcanic with rage?

Why are women getting so angry?

A recent article in the Daily Mail highlighted the concern many women feel about their difficulty in managing their anger. Lisa describes how she threw her son’s schoolbook across the room when running late for school, entrepreneur Charlotte outlines how even small things can trigger a furious outburst, and sculptor Sally explains how she lost multiple jobs because of her angry tirades. There are many suggestions for the rise in the number of women who feel their anger is out of control, including the pressures of working and running a home, dealing with stress at work, life-changing events such as divorce, or long-hidden trauma.

Why do women feel the need to control their anger?

Traditionally, there has been an unwritten expectation that women should overcome their feelings and maintain an unruffled appearance; think of the oft-quoted reference to the swan, who appear serene as it glides along the river, but is paddling furiously underwater. Women have been led to believe that expressing your emotions outwardly is damaging, and that it’s important to protect others from your ‘unreasonable’ behavior. But is this true?

The science of anger

Evidence suggests that continually repressing emotions has a serious impact on our health. Dr Deepak Chopra’s theory of ‘cellular healing’ states that cells store phantom memories which are retained when they regenerate, leading to physical problems. However, people who had survived serious illness could access this cell memory and release the negative emotions, ensuring that new cells remained unaffected. Research by Dr Candace Pert shows that repressing emotions releases chemicals which blocks cell receptors, causing potential long-term damage, whilst expressing emotions keeps receptors open.

How can we release our anger safely?

Hurling the crockery at your partner is unhealthy as well as expensive. What you need is a secure environment to let your anger out without causing distress to those around you. If you have trouble controlling your anger, then Tantrum Club is just what you need. Designed exclusively for women, you can scream your frustration, yell about your anger, and even indulge in a therapeutic session of hitting a beanbag with a baseball bat, all designed to give you a chance to express your anger safely. New clubs are springing up around the country, and there is also a telephone helpline where you can vent your fury without causing a major incident at home or work.

So when the hustle and bustle of Christmas all seems too much, and your mother-in-law has criticized your cooking once too often, why not take yourself off to Tantrum Club and let it all out safely?

Till next time, lots of hugs..

Adele

The danger of suppression: Don’t bottle up your emotions

Any serious scientist will be familiar with the assertion that stress causes immuno-compromise. A recent study by researchers at Harvard School of Public Health has finally put this long-held knowledge into perspective, deciphering that those who bottle up their feelings have a cardiovascular disease risk of 140 per cent and a risk of cancer of 170 per cent when compared to individuals who share how they feel. Overall, the risk of premature death for those who keep their negative feelings to themselves is around 135 per cent that of individuals unafraid to speak their minds. When framed in this way, the dangers of suppressing emotions are hard to ignore, but how exactly does bottling up your emotions lead to real and tangible damage to the body? The article below will explore the molecular and physiological mechanisms behind this startling array of statistics, and provide some helpful tips to managing your rage, and keeping your body healthy!

Although the concrete mechanism linking bottled-up emotions and premature death has yet to be established, several sound scientific principles may be applied in order to elucidate some facts about the forces at work. Firstly, it is conceivable that those who feel that they must hide their emotions from others are more susceptible to seeking comfort in substance abuse such as alcohol addiction, cigarette smoking, or the use of other harmful drugs in order to relieve their stress. The use of these substances has several obvious and detrimental effects to health, and so needs no explanation here. The second suspected mechanism is slightly less direct in nature.

When the body is coping with a stress response, such as un-vented anger or pent-up rage, a hormone known as Cortisol is released. Cortisol is a hormone of critical importance to humans, but it also has some unwanted effects in individuals experiencing high levels of stress. Cortisol is a steroid hormone, specifically a glucocorticoid, meaning that it is capable of suppressing the immune system’s response to damage or invading pathogens. This unfortunate effect means that individuals who have a higher than normal stress level, and thus a raised Cortisol level, will have under-effective immune systems, not only opening the floodgates to any nasty bugs that may wish to make your body their home, but also preventing a complete response from being carried out towards invaders from within – cancer cells. Every day, the immune system destroys a cell that would otherwise have become cancerous, so it’s easy to see how quickly things can go wrong when this response is working below optimum levels.All is not lost, though. Studies have shown that releasing anger actually increases blood flow to those parts of the brain responsible for pleasure and reward, thus making taking out your frustration a ‘feel good’ experience. However, there are those of us for whom releasing anger at every turn can very quickly end both friendships and careers. 

Perhaps a change in outlook is the answer? Conditioning your brain to be more optimistic about everyday situations and into overlooking the minor foibles of others can quite literally be a lifesaver. The statistics speak for themselves, and lend credence to the thought that optimistic people really do live longer than their pessimistic, stressed out counterparts.

Speaking of which, we are about to launch www.tantrumworld.com – a whole new approach to releasing your anger whilst becoming healthier. So, why not try to LET RIP whilst GETTING FIT?

Till next time

Lots of hugs,

So, how do you heal anger when you want to rip someone’s head off?

What do you do when you are SO angry you want to rip someone’s head off? You actually think you COULD drown your kids or bash someone with your shopping trolley and you are not sure how to control it. In those moments, if another hippy tells you “you need to relax” or recommends that you try yoga or meditation, you feel like you just might shove a carrot into their mouth and light it.

What now? You are TOO angry for yoga or meditation – but it’s probably what you need. Right?

What if you are angry but never show the world you are. In other words your anger is DEEPLY repressed and it just needs a final trigger and you think you might lose it. What then?

OK, so you’ve realised you’re angry. You’ve always been angry. This is huge. Now you understand your problem, you can tackle it. All you need to do is…. what?

Chronic anger is dangerous. Not just because you could lose your temper inappropriately (a valid concern) but because of what it’s doing to your body. Repressed anger has been linked compellingly to everything from headaches to cancer.

First of all, let’s establish what we’re talking about. Chronic repressed anger may or may not look like anger. If you’re irritable and blow up at the slightest thing, or spend all your time seething about slights you know deep down a reasonable person wouldn’t give a thought, you might know you’re angry, but are probably repressing the cause. A buried trauma or the chronic, banal neglect of your legitimate needs as a child can both leave you imagining you have nothing to be angry about. When the anger erupts you blame someone else so it’s somehow not really your anger.

Or, neither you nor those around you experience you as bad-tempered or unreasonable – they find you gentle, understanding and helpful. Unfortunately, you can’t always help because you’re exhausted all the time, or in chronic pain, or have terrible period pains, or are frequently blinded by migraine. For women in particular, anger can be unthinkable – it’s not who we are. It’s not just that we can’t see any reason for anger – our self-esteem is bound up with the idea of selflessness and empathy. You’re not going to yell at loved ones because you understand intellectually that they’re not to blame, besides which, you feel things entirely from their point of view. (Except, perhaps, for those times of the month when you’re ‘not yourself’!)

Conventional medicine now accepts that chronic ailments can be caused by anger. WebMD, for example, lists its possible effects as headaches, digestive problems, skin complaints, high blood pressure and heart disease. It’s also the prime suspect in chronic anxiety or depression, which can manifest as chronic fatigue or lead to alcoholism or self-harming.

Pioneering Dr John E. Sarno of New York University identified a strong physical link between chronic anger and chronic pain, most typically back pain. The brain alters blood flow to an area to create a physical pain intended to distract from frightening unconscious feelings. Chronic back pain can lead to awkward movements resulting in permanent injury. Psychologist John Bradshaw suggests this unconscious effort also has a muscular component which is behind the physical exhaustion many of us experience. Meanwhile, the constant quest against cancer has turned up some interesting results, with some studies suggesting people who find it most difficult to express emotions are more likely to develop thr illness. Shockingly, a University of Michigan study of anger’s affects on women observed three times as many deaths during an 18-year period among women with long-term suppressed anger.

None of which is helpful to hear if you’ve no idea what to do about it. Traditional anger management works to intellectualise the angry behaviour with a view to minimising damage to your relationships and the impact on other people. Unfortunately you can’t think your way out of anger itself. Respected spirituality and health guru Deepak Chopra believes repressed memories and emotions are stored in the body at a cellular level, but can be accessed and released to achieve physical healing. Only by actually releasing our anger can we rid ourselves of our anger. Cellular biologist and pharmacologist Dr Candace Pert has confirmed his findings. She went on to identify how emotions cause cells to release specific chemicals intended to temporarily block cell receptors, leading to permanent damage and disease from chronic emotional states. Safely accessing the cellular memories and resolving and releasing the associated emotions, on the other hand, allows cell receptors to stay open, maintaining physical health.

SO, tackling those irrational outbursts with traditional anger-management approaches (anger management classes, yoga, meditation, stress balls, therapy) could leave you feeling empty or not really fully ‘released of all your anger’. What you really WANT to do IS explode but it’s not really allowed. It’s essential not to blow up inappropriately at the people we care about, or at complete strangers – unfortunately a cathartic release could take years off your life.

This is why I created TANTRUM CLUB. It’s a club where you can get together and experience a complete and utter cathartic release which is safe and healthy. You can destroy things, break things and scream your lungs out. THEN we discuss what you are so angry about and work out how to strategise life in ways to avoid the build up of anger.

Awesome innit?

Read all about it here: www.tantrumclub.com/the-science-bit.  The new programme of meetings for women creates a non-judgmental space in which to use safe techniques to release repressed anger. Only then, free from unconscious sabotage, do participants consider the causes of anger and the unhealthy behaviour it generates. Seeing things from the other person’s point of view is entirely optional…

I am training Tantrum Instructors at the minute and the best ones are those who KNOW all about their own anger and want to deal with it whilst exploring helping others process and deal with their anger too. You can lead your own local Tantrum Club so contact us to find out more…

Till next time

Lots of hugs