Don’t Hate the Love Month, Learn to Love It!

The love month is upon us, and some people hate it because they are single. Is this you?

Well, time to cheer up – here’s how anyone can learn to love the love month. The thing to remember is that a romantic relationship is not just about sex. It’s about intimacy too, in all its many guises.

Love and intimacy are actually around you all the time in different forms. The problem is, as human beings in our society, we are attached to love or intimacy in a particular form or package.

If it isn't tall, dark and handsome with the name ‘boyfriend’ OR hot and sexy with the name ‘girlfriend’ then we reject it. And when we do that, we fail to see just how much love we have in our life so we wind up running around spitting at couples and cursing at happy matches because we feel angry about being single.

Love is all around you, it’s no cliché

Love is all around and perhaps you don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend but you will have 4-5 amazing people in your life who provide love in its different ways.

This feeling we have of a need for love is actually a need for the various components of love and intimacy, and when we reject and shut off these things because they do not fit some sort of socially accepted package, we are stopping ourselves from enjoying a huge amount of pleasure endorphins and overall feelings of wellbeing.

If you break down the components of a romantic relationship, you might find you have a lot of love around. Here are some examples.

Companionship

Your mother/father/the dude you watch football with/a friend you watch movies with or collect stamps with – who provides companionship in your life? You get this in many places.

Snuggles

Who do you get snuggles from? Perhaps a beloved pet, a huggy friend, your mother/father or a giant teddy bear. You could volunteer at a shelter or go visit a dogs’ home or buy a giant pink panther teddy bear. You could even put a sign up that you will give away free hugs to get your snuggle time. The simple act of snuggling releases endorphins – doesn’t matter who or what with.

Laughter

Who makes you laugh? Don’t tell me no one makes you laugh in your life! Surround yourself with gigglers or go try out some Laughter Yoga.

Good Listening

Find someone in your life who really listens to you and gets you. You already know this person and perhaps you don’t spend enough time with him or her. Schedule that in.

Romance

When you are single, it’s tricky to get the romance fix BUT there are probably single people in your life you can flirt with so find them and flirt with them.

If you are brave and put yourself out there into environments where you are in close physical contact with new people, it might just creep up on you. Join a dance class and try out that tango with a hunky man, or go to a dating event and simply enjoy the spark of getting to know new people.

See how much easier the love month is to bear when you break it down and find the components?

Go and get the intimacy you need. It’s all there just waiting for you!

Happy Valentine’s day!

Lot’s of hugs

Got a Gut Feeling? Your Gut Might Cause ALL Your Feelings!

Do you ever get a gut feeling about something? I was fascinated to learn that our gut and the health of our gut plays a huge role in how we feel.

Almost as much, perhaps even as much, as our minds do.

We spend all our time working our brain and the rest of our body to boost our emotions, but we may be ignoring half the cause of problems. Isn’t it exciting to think that we can literally feel happier and emotionally stronger, even boost our immune system and overall health, just by taking better care of our gut?

If you’re feeling down, anxious, depressed, or just want a big old boost of happiness-inducing serotonin, it turns out your gut most likely has a huge influence over it all, as its proposed in this very entertaining Huffington Post article.

The little friends in your second brain

You've probably heard of our friends the ‘good bacteria’ battling it out against the ‘bad bacteria’ in our digestive tract – our second brain. Well, the state of these micro flora and how well the good bacteria are doing determines a whole host of health-related factors.

For example, good bacteria decides how well the toxic by-products of your digestion are neutralized and whether harmful pathogenic bacteria or other substances are prevented or allowed to grow. And it determines how much hormone production there is and many other factors that affect the health of your immune system.

Did you know you have two nervous systems too?

That’s right. You have two nervous systems – one is the central nervous system we all know and love, which is in your brain and spinal cord. But you also have the ‘enteric’ nervous system, which is in your gastrointestinal tract – your gut.

Through this whole system your brain and gut are connected and the bacteria in your gut sends messages to the brain through the nervous system. These messages affect your mood, and you know the surprising part?

Your gut sends your brain more messages than the other way around. Your gut sends instructions on how to make you feel all day long. And since we can influence those messages, it’s something we should pay attention to, wouldn't you agree?

Happiness, anxiety and depression

You have neurons in your gut, which is another reason we call it the second brain. And these neurons produce neurotransmitters like serotonin – the primary chemical responsible for your feelings of well-being and happiness. We all know that, right?

But here’s another surprise. Serotonin is found in larger quantities in the gut than in the brain. So let’s influence our primary serotonin-producing environment in our gut and make more of it!

You may have experienced stomach pains or irritable bowel syndrome during times of great anxiety. There’s clearly a strong relationship between anxiety and the health of our gut.

There is even a strong line of scientific work proposing that certain probiotics can affect levels of proinflammatory cytokines and tryptophan in the gut, which have been implicated in depression.

“OK, I get it! So how do I start improving my gut?!” I hear you ask.

Well, that’s the next stage of my investigation. And don’t worry, I’ll share my findings with you as I go.

Perhaps you already have some ideas.

Share them with us!

Flying off the handle ladies? We have just the thing for you this Xmas!

Christmas cards sent? Check. All the presents bought? Check. School nativity attended? Check. Congratulations. Now you only have to wrap and deliver all your presents, do the food shopping, finish putting up the decorations and cook a perfect meal for 12 people on Christmas Day. Is it any wonder that occasionally things don’t go to plan and we can end up feeling volcanic with rage?

Why are women getting so angry?

A recent article in the Daily Mail highlighted the concern many women feel about their difficulty in managing their anger. Lisa describes how she threw her son’s schoolbook across the room when running late for school, entrepreneur Charlotte outlines how even small things can trigger a furious outburst, and sculptor Sally explains how she lost multiple jobs because of her angry tirades. There are many suggestions for the rise in the number of women who feel their anger is out of control, including the pressures of working and running a home, dealing with stress at work, life-changing events such as divorce, or long-hidden trauma.

Why do women feel the need to control their anger?

Traditionally, there has been an unwritten expectation that women should overcome their feelings and maintain an unruffled appearance; think of the oft-quoted reference to the swan, who appear serene as it glides along the river, but is paddling furiously underwater. Women have been led to believe that expressing your emotions outwardly is damaging, and that it’s important to protect others from your ‘unreasonable’ behavior. But is this true?

The science of anger

Evidence suggests that continually repressing emotions has a serious impact on our health. Dr Deepak Chopra’s theory of ‘cellular healing’ states that cells store phantom memories which are retained when they regenerate, leading to physical problems. However, people who had survived serious illness could access this cell memory and release the negative emotions, ensuring that new cells remained unaffected. Research by Dr Candace Pert shows that repressing emotions releases chemicals which blocks cell receptors, causing potential long-term damage, whilst expressing emotions keeps receptors open.

How can we release our anger safely?

Hurling the crockery at your partner is unhealthy as well as expensive. What you need is a secure environment to let your anger out without causing distress to those around you. If you have trouble controlling your anger, then Tantrum Club is just what you need. Designed exclusively for women, you can scream your frustration, yell about your anger, and even indulge in a therapeutic session of hitting a beanbag with a baseball bat, all designed to give you a chance to express your anger safely. New clubs are springing up around the country, and there is also a telephone helpline where you can vent your fury without causing a major incident at home or work.

So when the hustle and bustle of Christmas all seems too much, and your mother-in-law has criticized your cooking once too often, why not take yourself off to Tantrum Club and let it all out safely?

Till next time, lots of hugs..

Adele

The importance of focusing on yourself during a break up

Learning how to move on from a break up can be tough. If it wasn't your choice, or perhaps it happened in a painful way, it's tempting to dwell on your ex and what they are doing. But this is damaging. It stops your emotional healing and prevents you from moving on. However, change can only happen if your make a conscious decision to focus on yourself, and take some practical steps towards changing your mindset.

First things first

Set your alarm ten minutes early, and give yourself a talking to before you get out of bed. Sally describes how she did these in the early stages of her divorce:

'I knew if I chose to stay in bed even once, I would crumble completely. So each morning I spent a few minutes telling myself was strong and I could cope. This made all the difference to how I approached my day.' 

Make a conscious decision that today you will focus on yourself, not on your ex.

Plan some treats

Focusing on yourself takes planning. By planning lovely things, you can focus on those when you find yourself starting to dwell on your ex. Sit down and plan daily, weekly, and monthly treats in advance, and perhaps even a big treat for next year. Daily treats could be a scented bath or a cycle ride . Each week arrange to meet friends e.g. enjoy a meal together or shoot some hoops (but remember, talking about your ex is off limits!). Monthly treats could be a theater visit or a camping trip. And maybe book a holiday to somewhere you have always dreamed of visiting.

Channel your hero

Think of someone strong and self-confident – this could be a real person, or a fictional character or movie hero. Now imagine you are that person for a day. Whatever happens that day, tackle it as that person. Act strong and confident, and in time you will feel strong and confident. Consider your posture; walking tall and purposefully will give you a boost. Smile often, even if you don't feel like it. Smiling releases endorphin lowers blood pressure and boosts your immune system. Become the person you want to be.

Focus on the new you

Becoming newly independent is a fantastic opportunity to reinvent yourself. What have you always wanted to do but never been able to, perhaps because your ex held you back? Find a more creative job? Take a study course, but knew it would take too much time away from your ex? Well now is your chance so grasp it with both hands. There will never be a better time.

Practice mind control

It takes effort to refocus your mind. The old adage says if you try NOT to think about a green monkey, all you will think about is a green monkey. So practise mind control. Imagine each thought about your ex is like a fish – every time one swims into your mind, scoop it back in the sea. Deliberately think about one of your treats or new goals instead. If your mind wanders, don't beat yourself up. Give yourself a shake and start again.

Change doesn't happen overnight, but little by little you will find you are moving ahead and leaving your ex behind. If you get stuck, you know where we are :)

Till next time

Lots of hugs